http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ Ms. Single Mama's Dating, Love and Life Forum en Sat, 20 Mar 2010 05:58:44 +0000 http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=269#post-1821 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:20:28 +0000 mamavlk 1821@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Thanks Andrea! i really appreciate the encouragement. I can relate to the lonely marriage. we've been officially split up (living in different states) for 8 months but even when we were still living together i had moved out of the bedroom..I've been without someone *special* or even nice to me lol for a very long time. Hopefully if i put myself out there i can meet somebody great :) we'll see. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=76#post-1820 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:31:24 +0000 thewebcamagency 1820@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Webcam Models Wanted!!<br /> Work from home full time, part time, ANYTIME!<br /> Personality plays the biggest part of how much you earn. Top models can earn over $100,000 per year. There are no fees to sign up and we provide all the software free of charge. To sign up please visit <a href="http://www.thewebcamagency.com" rel="nofollow">www.thewebcamagency.com</a> or email <a href="mailto:thewebcamagency@googlemail.com">thewebcamagency@googlemail.com</a> for further information. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=270#post-1819 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 06:01:43 +0000 andrea 1819@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>So, I've officially been a single mom now for a year. They always say the first year is hard. So, I had patience with myself - realized I did a lot in that first year - and stayed strong. But, now that I'm finding the year mark hitting I feel like a mess! When will the balancing act of child, house, yard, dogs, work and/or school get easier? Do you more seasoned mom's feel like it gets easier? I don't have family in the area that can take my daughter very often. I just got my first full 2-day break to myself for the first time in 7 months.</p> <p>Thoughts? Easier? Just different? Just numb to the craziness after awhile? :)</p> <p>Thanks!<br /> Andrea </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=269#post-1818 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 05:50:35 +0000 andrea 1818@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I think you should go with what you want to do. I dated before my divorce was official, I too was just wanting to get out there and see what it was like. I had lived for over 2 years in a VERY lonely marriage and needed to go out and meet some people. </p> <p>I say go for it! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=269#post-1817 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 03:35:16 +0000 mamavlk 1817@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>First let me say Hello, i'm new to this sight and SOOO happy to finally find other single moms who are facing the same joys and challenges as i am. After reading some of the forum i feel i can really relate to quite a few of you. Ok so here's my question: My ex and i have been split up for about 8 months now..and we still haven't even started the divorce process yet. NO there is no chance of us getting back together it's very very over but because of certain complications we have pretty much decided we wont be getting the official divorce for a while longer..I finally feel like i have had the closer i need and am ready to move on but i don't know how..What good quality guy is going to start anything with me when i'm still legally married to another man? And it really stinks because although i feel like it's not really right for me to be putting myself out there my ex has moved on with no worries..he has someone new. I really need some input on this one..should i continue to stay alone and just date casually or do you think I have any business opening myself up to something more serious? (please know that i am NOT trying to cheat on my husband or anything of the sort, I was faithful our entire relationship and have not done anything since we split..Im just tired of being alone) </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=268#post-1816 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:33:15 +0000 lovinmylilboy 1816@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I can relate all to well with how your feeling. It sucks when you try to go out, and hope you forget about it..but it isn't the case. In my opinion.. I don't think the cure for that is anywhere but in yourself. It's like you must have "the will" to carry yourself away from thinking about such things,and it's a hard thing to do!<br /> If he's making you feel that way,and also telling you he has strong feelings for you,and flaunting her out. Truth be told, I don't see that as fair! It seems to me like you do need to try and talk about it so you can move on.<br /> Do what your heart says,and don't hold back. Don't,because too many times will you wonder, "what if.."<br /> I wish you the best of luck and courage girl!! I'm sure it'll all work out in the end,and maybe even be BETTER! So look forward to that no matter what you do, or whatever happens! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=268#post-1815 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:50:31 +0000 andrea 1815@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hey everyone,</p> <p>I thought I would post because frankly, I just need some thoughts from people. It's a long story with so much to it that I can't even begin to write a short posting on it. Actually - I tried to for the past 30 minutes and realized I couldn't sum up the past 7 months of how we've known each other, how in love we were, how I broke his heart, how he started dating someone else because of that, how I was scared at the time of a major commitment - but still loved him, how he makes me a better person when I am around him, how I constantly feel challenged and inspired in life by him, how we pictured our lives together, how he has said that he feels the potential between us is greater than what he has in his current relationship,etc.</p> <p>How long do you stand by patiently waiting for someone? I broke his heart, he needed time to heal, but he continues to get deeper in this other relationship at the same time (or at least deeper in the sense of time). BTW - I'm not "waiting" - I go on other dates and do fun things - but afterwards I often feel only lonelier because it was more fun with him than with the dates I am on. </p> <p>His previous marriage ended because it was never quite right. He says he believes he "settled" for someone who he thought would be a good mom to his future children because he wanted a family. But, he never had a true, deep connection with her. He fought to stay in the marriage though, because when he's committed to someone he's committed. Now in his current relationship he talks about how she loves his kids and how they love her. But, he never seems to get all excited about how she makes him feel. I worry he will only "settle" again, simply because he's "committed" to see where it leads. </p> <p>I'm a believer, so I know this is all in God's plan. I know that if we are meant to be together it will happen. I know that he won't "settle" if he isn't meant to "settle". But, how long do I sit by watching? I want to tell him to give me a second chance and see where it would lead with me. I want to tell him to stop "settling" when he doesn't have to. This was all spurred on today because he updated his status on facebook to "in a relationship". They've been dating for 3 months now. He never updated it to "in a relationship" when we were dating. When I asked him about that he said that we were only dating for 2 months. So - I guess I take that as he set the status because they've been dating for awhile - not because he's decided he's in love with her? (Just over a week ago he still didn't say he had major feelings for her...). </p> <p>I think you are all going to tell me to just forget about him and move on. :) There is just so much more to the story....I mean - he felt I was "the one" - and then I broke up with him. Who isn't going to be hurt by that and not want to be with me or trust me in that way again? I also want to tell him again how I feel because in my marriage I fear that part of the reason it broke down is because I didn't confront my husband. I was patient and stood by, thinking "he'll come around". And then he didn't. Is history repeating itself? Difference is my husband wasn't telling me he had strong feelings for me, but with this guy he still has admitted his feelings are strong.</p> <p>Ugh. What to do? I'm fine with being his friend and continuing to grow our friendship. But seeing pictures with her in them and knowing he continues to be in that relationship is often too much to bear. </p> <p>Andrea </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=267#post-1814 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 02:52:38 +0000 kristen 1814@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>i wouldn't worry so much about finding a male role model at this point. you are enough for your son and will be able meet all his needs as long as you believe that you can do it. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=267#post-1813 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:02:17 +0000 katiees 1813@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I feel like since you were honest up front with him about your baby from the beginning, then you shouldn't feel embarrassed! It's his choice to not feel like he's ready to "play daddy" yet, which most 21 year old men aren't... but I hope that didn't make you feel bad! It's nice that he wanted to at least try. It sucks that you went all the way out there only to be disappointed, but with time, you'll find someone who is ready to embrace you, and your little guy as if you were one!! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=267#post-1812 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 07:16:24 +0000 lovinmylilboy 1812@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>So..I am 20 with a 2 month old.He's my only kid,and I'm still trying to balance having a life, and may I add my baby goes EVERYWHERE with me! I love every minute of it,but of course. His dad hasn't offered to see him once, or know his NAME at that. Point being, my number one want.. is finding a male role model for him,and one who will be there for me. Selfish sounding? I started talking to this guy (21 years old) who lives 3 hours away.. we texted every day for 3 weeks. He had the looks,the great personality, constantly complimented.. and said he couldn't wait to meet "little man" and it made me feel so relieved to find someone okay with it. Until, I went to see him, took the baby with me.. and it was so awkward! I felt so out of place going out of my way as it was.. and then I had to face the room mate of his..and all sorts of thoughts &amp; embarrassment came to my mind, because never have I been in the "meeting a guy,having a kid" situation!<br /> and it turned out he decided he wasn't ready for the baby life after all! Did I spring it onto him? Ugh, its a bit embarrassing for me to even share.. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1811 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:34:03 +0000 RuthJ 1811@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>First of all may i congratulate all three of you for being so patient. I don't think there is many men out there who would put up with what ye have put up with. I just hope that these girls won't leave it too late to realise what they have with ye, and lose ye for good. There's nothing worse than having regrets. As for you guys, i don't think ye could be doing anything more than you have done, giving them space, time, texts, romantic gestures, being kind to their kids. They may not find somebody like ye again, it's a shame really, i know it may not be there fault because of their past, there busy lives, fear of getting hurt but you know thats life, we have to roll with the punches and get back up again. If we don't we may just miss out on something great that comes along. Ye must really really like these girls to look for solutions on here and other such places and to put all the effort into pursuing the girl as ye have but don't ye get exhausted of it? why not be the one who is pursued for a change. I know one of you wants to initiate a coffee date but if i were you i wouldn't i would wait because you sent the text about the promotion so that to me says you made the first move, if she wants to see you she will ask you out for coffee. You don't have to take my advice but i'm just giving you a female perspective on the situation. </p> <p>Good luck guys, i hope ye get what ye are looking for with these girls or at least some closure on it. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=255#post-1810 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:12:56 +0000 RuthJ 1810@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Just from personal experience it looks to me that your girlfriend or ex girlfriend is going through some commitment issues due to her previous experience. Your also insecure which is natural because you not only had someone cheat on you but you also don't know where you stand with this girl either. In my opinion and this is just my opinion because i don't know either of you and i'm just going from my own experience as i was a commitment phobic single mom too, she's scared to death of commiting to someone and getting hurt, so she keeps breaking it off with you because then she is in control because if she feels any bit of pain at all she may just not be able to get through it. She's may not be sure whether your worth commiting to, having a child is a huge life altering thing in a young girls life and if you really want this to work, she needs to get help and you have to be more supportive and also give her space, because if your there all the time she will feel smoothered, she needs to feel like her own person but also know that she is loved. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. She needs to get help with her issues with her ex and being a young mom too because its a shock to the system, one minute your young single and anything is possible and the next thing you have a baby to look after and who depends on you and it's draining and exhausting and you don't feel like yourself anymore and on top of that she has been deeply hurt by the man she loved. It's an awful lot to cope with at such a young age and i know because i've been there and the only thing you can do is give her space but tell her she can't keep breaking up with you, if she does it once more then that's it because it's wrecking your head. Your either with her or your not, tell her you don't deserve to be messed around and that she needs to go to counselling or a support group, and that you'll be there to support her. </p> <p>I hope this helps you in some way, good luck. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=241#post-1809 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:58:26 +0000 RuthJ 1809@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I can totally relate to this. I'm always questioning people's intentions because i think why would someone want to be with me because i have "baggage"! It's definately something to do with low self esteem. I can relate to how your doing his thinking and probably his friends thinking too. I do look at people who go out on Saturday nights and for a split second i think, wow i wish i could do that but then i do think you know i've been there done that and it's not all that anyway. The things i really appreciate now are the little things like getting time to watch a great movie, or going out shopping on my own, eating lunch or having coffee with friends. I guess we forget that we are human beings too with personalities and qualities of our own. When we look at ourselves we see the whole picture, us and our children. Why are we so paranoid and insecure?<br /> Ruth(30) two children, from Ireland </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=265#post-1808 Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:28:47 +0000 mssinglemama 1808@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>How long have you been with him? </p> <p>That's my first question. But, I think you should talk about the future - plans you may have - and gauge his reaction. That's a more indirect alternative to just flat out asking him if he is interested in a long-term relationship (which is totally okay - you deserve a man who would be willing to entertain that conversation, especially because you have your son involved). </p> <p>Good luck! Let us know what happens. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=266#post-1807 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:55:55 +0000 brookelyn 1807@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>How do you know when it is the right time to introduce your child to the guy you are dating? I feel like I am living two lives. How will this guy ever know who I really am when they don't know the most important part of me, my son? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=263#post-1806 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:44:41 +0000 megan3171 1806@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hey, I have to say, chin up! I too had a child @ 19. I did marry the guy, but he left when my daughter was only 3 months old. I went on to meet a wonderful man who adopted my daughter. The good guys are out there, you just have to keep you eyes open.<br /> Maybe the guy you are dating is waiting until you seem ready? I feel that people should be totally open when kids are involved. It may spook him, but why not just say, "hey, where do you see this going?" If you have been together for a year and a half, what are you waiting for? If he's not looking to marry you, perhaps you should move on, if getting married is what is important to you. Find the man who wants to help parent your child. They are out there! Blessings, Megan </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=265#post-1805 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:53:32 +0000 carolina 1805@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I have been a single mom for more than 5 years and have been great and kept busy with child and many other different things. Dated here and there but knew they were not long lasting relationship material and never introduced them to children or anything like that.</p> <p>Out of the blue, I've met a real real great guy. Single and childless, yet he welcomes doing stuff with me and my child and asks me about him etc. We are exclusive and we enjoy each others company and both he and I have hinted at comments like this is great that this is just the beginning to something wonderful.</p> <p>How or when do I bring up the potential of long long term relationship? Though I have been single for 5 years, I am more nervous in brining up this topic because I know long term does not just mean hitching up and moving in together but a potential step-family type of situation for this guy.</p> <p>Any words of advice? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1804 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:10:16 +0000 KG27 1804@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>hey dan...my relationship is hanging by a thread, because i feel as though i have been as patient and understanding as anyone person would be. It is truely amazing that people such as ourselves who are true and genuine and try to do the right thing get completly burned by people who do not take a step back and realize the people that have right in front of them. The funny part about it, is that if you were to ask them to describe their ideal guy, their response would probably be irrally similar. I dont recommend that you put forth too much effort, especially in sending gifts. I am starting to believe that more time they have to themselves, the more time they have to think and hopefully understand. As my "girlfriend" once said to me, "abscence makes the heart grow fonder". Believe me i know this approach is extremely difficult and a pure test of your patience, but in the end she will realize the person that you are and/or you will realize that you are wasting your time by exhausting this much time and effort in to someone who is not recipricating, when you can find someone who will respect you and give you the time of day. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1803 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:55:55 +0000 dan0721 1803@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hey T3D and KG27 how are things going with both of your situations? I posted a blog a few weeks back regarding my situation with a single mom that I dated.<br /> Well I do have some new updates about mine. The last time I spoke to her was towards the end of January when I was about to head to an interview in DC. I didn't speak to her throughout the month of February. I did however reach out to her last week when she was on facebook. We chatted on there for a good 30 minutes just really playing catch up. Things seem to be going great in her life right now. She has a lot less stress to deal with. She asked about my interview that I had in DC and I asked her about her job. She mentioned that she was up for a huge promotion this week. When we ended the conversation both of us said that we enjoyed catching up and should do it again. Well I waited a few days and before contacting her again. I sent her a text message saying I enjoyed talking last week and wished her luck on the promotion today. She texted me back letting me know that she got it and I congratulated her.<br /> Do either of you have any advice how I should contact her next? I would like to get together for coffee sometime also I had thought about sending her a congratulations card and maybe a coloring book for her son. What do you guys think? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=264#post-1802 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:09:27 +0000 inloveandconfused 1802@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am a single man, no kids. I met this woman through a mutual friend months ago, we got drunk at a party and ended up in bed together. In the morning we talked and just clicked. It was beautiful, I knew she had a daughter and we knew of eachother though didnt like eachother till that night. </p> <p>Over the next month, her daughter was away with her father, we talked everyday chatted all day online and saw alot of eachother. I really fell hard for this woman. </p> <p>I met her daughter when she got back and fell in love with her too. We did almost exclusively family things, I would see her 4-5 times a week, sleeping over and had great holidays. The mom was going through medical problems and I helped her wit heverything she needed with joy. </p> <p>I told her i was in love wit hher and one day wanted to marry her, she responded taht she loves me but isnt in love with me yet, and that she just loves having me in hre and her daughters life. </p> <p>She said she has alot going on and wants all her love to go to her daughter that we are just at different levels and its ok </p> <p>well when she feels better she gets a babysitter and goes out with her best female friend and some male colleagues. It made me mad not because teh ywhere with guys but that she could get a bbaysitter now tah tshe felt better, we hadnt been out alone in months</p> <p>So i asked for one date night a month and offered to pay for the sitter on those days. She agreed but never set a date when we could do this and went out with friends and got a sitter a couple more times. </p> <p>I did get mad and I also did get smothering one day she tells me she no longer wants to see me romantically, I was crushed but we talked and I said i would back off saying the "mushy" stuff because it made her uncomfortable and was pushing her away. </p> <p>So I was trying and then saw what i was doing and totally backed off. I made her a candlelit dinner on the friday before V-Day and it was wonderful we werent intamate though I tried she said she had some female issues but we would be again</p> <p>On Vday she was to spend the day wit hher daughter, I bought her daughter a gift so she bring it over I did and she invited me to go to dinner with them</p> <p>It was great after that she asked for me to have her ask to see me and me not ask her, so I waited and waited and she had to go away for a family function and she came back and called me again, wel lone day i got insecure and asked to see her and she said sure </p> <p>so I went picked her daughter from school, bought her daughter dinner and came over, the daughter was so happy to see me it had been 2 weeks </p> <p>so the Mom is cold at first then I say I see i was a hardhead and didnt listen but I am now did I wreck things that much beyond repair ?? she says I dont know </p> <p>I just said ok then she takes me to a meeting for her daughters activity I am the only guy there and dont mind I just like being with her</p> <p>SO she says she is tired after we get back and I get a hug and a kiss on the lips and she said it was nice to see you </p> <p>I feel like I lost her forever, but she still calls me everyday I stopped initiating conversation and took me to her daughters meeting with other parents and we made other "family" plans </p> <p>She has ALOT going on wit hher family and job and on top of that being a single mom, I love her so much and just wanna take all her pain and stress away </p> <p>I am so confused part of me says she doesnt want me and is playing games, the other part says she trusts me wit hher most precious thin gher daughter and her daughter loves me just wait out this period and all will be great </p> <p>WHAT SHOULD I DO ?????? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=263#post-1801 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:59:57 +0000 boardermom 1801@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Oh honey. I don't know what to say, except I know how you feel. I'm also dating a really nice guy who's good to my little one. However, we've been dating for a year now and the L word hasn't been muttered. I kind of feel the same way, like it would have happened by now if I were a single lady with less responsibility. </p> <p>I haven't really figured out a coping mechanism. But I hope there's a happy ending :) </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=263#post-1800 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 06:06:18 +0000 MsAmandaSingleMom 1800@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I don't know how to explain exactly how I'm feeling today. I got pregnant at 19 with a boyfriend I'd been with 4 years. We stayed together until our daughter was a little less than 3. We broke up for numerous reasons, I am now dating someone and have been for about a year and a half. </p> <p>I am a teacher at a high school now. And I just am inundated with wedding talk or engagement talk every day from coworkers. Four are getting married within months of each other this year. Sometimes just hanging around my coworkers feels like a constant reminder of how I did it wrong, how I'm not married, how nobody is proposing to me. I hate feeling this self centered. This thought process isn't even productive. I'm only hurting myself. Yet it eats at me.</p> <p>I guess I felt like I had a lot to offer. And, forgive me, I know we are all in different lives, and I don't intend on offending anybody with my low self esteem, but I believe I have less of a chance of finding somebody who will marry me now because I have a child. It's just so much responsibility. And what man is willing to undertake that responsibility for a child that is not even his?</p> <p>Don't misunderstand me. I am dating someone. He's wonderful to my daughter and me. I think we have a great relationship. But even I know that he'd have already wanted to marry me if I had not been a single mother. I get depressed thinking about it. </p> <p>I just want any kind of uplifting story if any of you have one. Or any kind of coping mechanism that you use, or a positive train of thought. I am drowning out here. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=25&page=3#post-1799 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 07:42:44 +0000 brokensoul 1799@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am single mom because before i knew im pregnant..my BF and I broke up..i knew im gonna be a single mom..coz i plan it..the last week of our relationship, we're together. and i told him that im safe..but im not..during that time i just want something from him that will remind of him even were not together. i love him that much. Now im 8weeks pregnant and we have no communication.</p> <p>Sometimes i do regret it...that im now pregnant. But they say baby is a blessing..though im hurting now because i still love him..but i have to be strong for the baby.. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=262#post-1798 Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:21:46 +0000 BunnyMama 1798@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I became a single mother when my son was three months old. I work as a teacher's aide and I am finishing my degree, practically full-time student. My son's father does not have a steady job/income and doesn't have stable living conditions (I know this is his choice). I get child support when he can give it, I don't want to go through the courts, but DSS is forcing it on me. I know this is going to lead to ugliness between myself and my son's father. My son is just about 14 months and I don't see the father improving his situation any time soon, he just chases pipe dreams. I'm thinking about applying for sole custody. What's usually involved in the process, how emotionally draining is it? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=261#post-1797 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 02:18:03 +0000 JBR 1797@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Are you out there? I'm about 8 miles from DC, in MD. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=260#post-1796 Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:59:57 +0000 KG27 1796@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>To set the stage...I have been dating my girlfriend (mother of a 16 month old) for about 8 months now and at the beginning of our relationship things were blossoming and surreal and enjoyed the quality time as well as the family time. First and foremost, i have always understood that I am not the #1 priority and have been extremely patient and understanding. For about a month or two her behavior has shifted and we currently are only seeing each other maybe once a week for a few hours. For me I am not quite sure where things went array, but she has explained to me that right now she does not feel that she can give me what i am looking for, I understand what that means,because i respect that she works and plays and cares for the little one when she is not working, but my question is this behavior normal in the sense that things were great and then in the blink of an eye, our relationship has now tested my patience and understanding? please understand that I truely admire any woman who is raising a child on their own, it truely is a job in itself and knowing that I care about her a lot or else i would not really be having this discussion as i have told her. She said she is scared to loose me, but I ask you; am i fighting a loosing battle or have any one of you experienced this and then took a step back to realize the potential of the relationship? I believe she didnt provide enough recovery time from her ex (babys dad) even though he has a substence problem and she doesnt want anything to do with him, but more so that perhaps her trust has taken a hit? Any suggestions/guidance/advice is greatly appreciated! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1795 Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:29:49 +0000 KG27 1795@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>As I have learned from this site and others, remaining patient as well as understanding is the key to the longevity of a relationship like this. For the most part I have given her the space she needs (not calling or texting a lot) and insure that "abscence makes the heart grow fonder" we hung out last night and while we were hanging out, one of her friends called and said that her ex (baby's dad) was out at a bar and got kicked out, that precipitated her into feeling like crap, but it allowed her to open up to me about her past relationship and it gave me information that has explained her behavior. A lot of it is trust because her ex was in her eyes just a typical guy and then substance abuse took over that she never saw. She is fearful that in any moment he can seek partial custody; not to mention that someday sooner rather than later she is going to have to explain to her daughter about her father. I just look forward to the day that she is able to move forward. One thing is for sure, i never thought i could be this patient, even though at times you really start to second guess yourself and hope that this situation is temporary. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1794 Sat, 20 Feb 2010 17:10:20 +0000 T3D 1794@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>We didn't spend Valentines together. I did send her a note in an email though and drew her a picture in 3d of some roses and flower petals and such...which she said she loved. </p> <p>You seem to have a bit more time under your belt than I've had. I'm not sure how valid my advice is but I'd say if she said she doesn't want to lose you that you are in a good spot. I'd probably say that you should just remain open with her and try to keep the lines of communication open as much as possible....something which I have actually been very bad at. You say you haven't spoken with her since Valentines day...well have you reached out to her? She is a single mom and from my experience there weeks vary greatly in what is happening in their life...she could just be really busy. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=249#post-1793 Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:44:41 +0000 KG27 1793@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>T3D How did your valentines day go considering your situation? Leading up to it she had told me that part of her problem was that she was trying to figure out what her and her daughters identity is by themselves meaning that she hasnt had a long time of being single while raising her daughter. Her daughter is about 16 months old and we have been dating for about 8 of them. In the same breath she says she doesnt want to loose me because she realizes how great of a guy that i am and how i treat her. On valentines day everything was great, it was just like the beginning of our relationship when things were great, and now i havent spoken to her since then, so it is very confusing. It sucks because i realize the potential of our relationship, and have been patient and understanding (because face it not many guys would deal with this behavior, and if i didnt care for her i wouldnt put up with it either) Has your girlfriend been acting like this? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=258#post-1792 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:07:51 +0000 mssinglemama 1792@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Here you go! And welcome! </p> <p><a href="http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=9" rel="nofollow">http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=9</a> </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=259#post-1791 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 05:13:37 +0000 dan0721 1791@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hey everyone how is it going? I came across this forum hoping to maybe get some advice. </p> <p>This past October I started to date my friend's older sister who has a 5 year old son. She just turned 30 and I am 26. We dated for 3 months and broke up around New Year's. I knew about her situation going into the relationship since she is the sister of one of my friends. I wasn't at all bothered by the fact that she had a son. Everything was great the 3 months we dated. Although the month of December was a little rough between us because she had to go court regarding child support issues with the father of her son. She was never married to the father. They ended things when her son was 10 months old. </p> <p>Anyways while we dated, her son and I got along very well. She even made comments throughout the relationship that she was surprised at how well the both of us got along. She mentioned that her son never asked her last boyfriend (they were on and off for about a year) to do certain things that he was asking me (read to him, play toys with him, play soccer, etc). I enjoyed spending some with both of them a lot. Some people I have talked to said that she might have gotten scared by the fact that her son and I got along so well.</p> <p>Like I mentioned earlier the month of December was a little rough due to the court issues. The night we broke up she mentioned that since I have not been through what she has then I can't fully understand everything. She also stated that when we would talk about the court case she got a little frustrated because I wasn't able to comfort her/give her answers regarding the case. I mentioned that I was sorry about that, I was trying the best I could to help her out, and I could work on that. She mentioned that she didn't know what she wanted. She said that I have everything except for the fact that I was/wasn't able to comfort her the right way when she got stressed about the court issues. In the end she stated that she wanted some space. We kept in touch for a few weeks after the break up through some simple text messages. I haven't heard from her in the last couple of weeks.</p> <p>While we dated I felt like she was happy that she found someone that was good to both her and her son. I felt this way because she would make those comments that I mentioned earlier and I could also see it her in body/facial expressions. Her sister would tell me the same thing also. I would like to get back together with her and I was hoping that maybe I could get advice from some people on this site that might have gone through a similar situation.</p> <p>Thank you. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=258#post-1790 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:18:40 +0000 lectroluvr 1790@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>thanks. new to the site...look forward to getting to know everyone!! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=51#post-1789 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:04:06 +0000 lectroluvr 1789@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>i am new to this site and i have been dating someone who has apparently been reading the singlemama site bc he is following all of the suggestions. we are sexually active but i worry about him spending the night while my son is here (son spends one night weekly w his grandma due to work)...so that is our date night. in one way, i feel bad for not having sex enough w him but also feel ackward having him stay over since my son crawls in the bed around 4 am most mornings, i have him sleep on the couch, all very random..should i feel bad for my son, my boyfriend, or both? very confused about this situation </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1788 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 04:08:40 +0000 kristen 1788@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>i have spent a lot of time thinking about this exact issue, counselingmarshall. and it is one of the main reasons that his time with his father is limited - to limit the negative influence that he could have on my son. it is, admittedly, a balancing act. the benefits of knowing his father vs. the possible negative influence he could have on his life. </p> <p>i have tried to think about the future and how my actions will be seen by my son. it is after all our actions that teach our children the most. i could not see how i could explain to him when he is older that i kept him from his father. his dad lives close by and wants a relationship with him. i could see myself explaining that his father's choices and behaviour were such that i needed to limit his influence. by the time we have this conversation, he will have learned first hand what i am talking about. </p> <p>i am also surrounding him with plenty of good people to balance out the bad...</p> <p>i should add that my son is biracial so there is an aspect of who he is that i do not share and cannot fully identify with. this will become more important when he gets older and tries to define "who he is." </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1787 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:33:38 +0000 counselingmarshall 1787@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>"My son needs his father to be part of his life and I am not interested in cutting that off."</p> <p>Why? Why does your son need to learn that men aren't capable of being respectful of women? Lot's of boys grow up and do very well in life without the burden and/or advantage of having their fathers around. In this case I think it is wise to check your assumption about your child's assumed need to have this guy around. He sound like he will be a bad influence.. imagine what that guy will teach your teenage son! </p>