http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ Single Mom Forum for Single Moms en Fri, 24 May 2013 14:31:57 +0000 http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-2212 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 18:13:31 +0000 solrpr 2212@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hello..i am not sure where to leave this post..but hopefully someone can guide me. i am considering leaving my common law partner, have a 6 month old baby. i am not sure what to do, or should i say anything to him or just leave? there are days when he is ok.. but he is becoming a religious tyrant and kicked up a huge fuss when i said"bless you" to my daughter for sneezing. without mentioning religious backgrounds, the swearing and the yelling makes the baby cry.. and i just cant handle it anylonger. i dont want her to grow up becoming a religiously afraid person. practicing religion is one thing, but this is extreme.<br /> no matter what i say, to him its arguing and he yells and shuts me up. i feel like a total loser and have lost all self confidence...i am so lost and confused.. dont know where to start...any advice please would be helpful.<br /> thank you </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1869 Thu, 13 May 2010 07:53:34 +0000 scharlie 1869@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I feel that at present you are mentally rwady to call off your marriage, better continue for the sake of your children.<br /> in between you may try to establish yourself professional and become capable of living independently.<br /> as you feel your husband is now changed, watch carefully his behavior and activities to take any final and firm decision.</p> <p><a href="http://www.childcustodydispute.com">child custody modification</a> </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1612 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:44:11 +0000 CravingClarity 1612@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>MSM, thanks for the links. I actually did come across those posts after I put mine up (isn't that always how it goes!).</p> <p>Ladies, I am beyond grateful for your smart, candid, thoughtful replies. I recently told my sister about my situation, but aside from that I've told no one because I don't want my kids knowing their dad is capable of gambling with his family. It's been pretty damn lonely having nobody to talk to, so a million thank yous for writing!</p> <p>Yikes... I just heard my three year old tell his sister he's cleaning the toilet! This may not be pretty.<br /> Over &amp; out! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1610 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:18:34 +0000 megan3171 1610@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I hate to be the big naysayer here, but marriages are valuable. People do make mistakes, and infidelity is just about the biggest. Totally sucks. My first husband cheated on me. It was a hard thing to live with, and I do feel that had he stayed, he would have been a serial cheater. (I didn't know for sure until after he was gone.) This lady is describing something different. IF she truly thinks he is remorseful, and wants and loves his family, they can rebuild. She can be happy again, and her children won't need to end up traveling back and forth between mom and dad, when they need and deserve an intact family if at all possible. Not saying that she should disregard what happened, but maybe allowing herself to forgive would make her heart less heavy. I would say that allowing his decision to cheat to diminish you, or make you feel less than you are is something that only you can change. Maybe once you allow yourself to forgive him, you can see what is truly in his heart. If you then think he does not value you and your life and family enough to stay away from other women, then you can make some decisions with the clarity you are looking for. But, if on the other hand you see that he is sincere, perhaps you can look toward rebuilding your life with him. But please, don't allow your happiness to hinge on what someone else has done. Create your own happiness and self worth. The other posters are correct, your children will pick up on your feelings. If your husband wants to make it work, and is trying, don't you owe it to yourself, and your children to try with all your might? You could end up with everything you ever wanted. It sounds like you are holding all the cards. Blessings to you. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1603 Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:43:36 +0000 mssinglemama 1603@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I don't have time to read these amazing comments... but I wanted to leave you with these two posts I wrote (read the comments, too).</p> <p>The Married Single Mom:<br /> <a href="http://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/" rel="nofollow">http://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/</a></p> <p>And Should I Leave My Husband:<br /> <a href="http://mssinglemama.com/2008/05/02/should-i-leave-my-husband/" rel="nofollow">http://mssinglemama.com/2008/05/02/should-i-leave-my-husband/</a></p> <p>That last post has over 103 comments! So you're not alone. I always say this - being a single mom is far easier for me than being married to my ex-husband. </p> <p>Good luck to you and keep us posted! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1601 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:44:42 +0000 sarg303 1601@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I echo the sentiments of those who have already responded. I did not get a divorce because my husband cheated on me, so I cannot relate to your scenario. However, I can relate to your struggles in considering your children while you contemplate your marriage. My "marriage" ended several years before we made it official (it's been 10 days, but who's counting?!). We have a 4 year old son, and I had considered getting a divorce when he was still under a year old. So I struggled for years with my decision. Was it better for me to stay in a dysfunctional marriage for the sake of our child having both of his parents, or would he be better off growing up in a single parent household? I know that living on our own will be a struggle. But, I also don't want my child to grow up thinking it's perfectly normal for mommy and daddy to be sleeping in separate rooms and not talking to one another. That will just set him up for failure in his own future relationships. Not to mention all of the effects the unhappiness is having on you mentally and physically that will translate into how you are able to function as a mother.</p> <p>I'm just starting on my own journey of recovery, but I can tell you that I am much happier today. It sounds like you might have some residual feelings for your husband. If you truly believe you can salvage your marriage, I say find an excellent therapist and go for it! It can be done! But also know that if it doesn't work out, you WILL be able to make it on your own. And your kids will flourish under your strength.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1597 Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:51:54 +0000 notyouraveragesinglemomma 1597@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Ouch....jerk. What the hell? Srsly...my "husband" cheated on me with not one but two skanks WHILE I was birthing a child from my loins...ungrateful jerk. I dont understand cheating...at all. Why not leave if you wanna bone somebody else?! THATS NOT ALLOWED IN MARRIAGE. </p> <p>Whew-there. Fit over.</p> <p>Now...onto you momma:)<br /> Kudos for staying and giving it your best to make things work. I can relate to wanting to have both parents together for the kids.....I can imagine how hard it can be to look your hubby in the face somedays. I vomit when I see my ex's face.<br /> single parenting isnt what most lil girls dream of becoming someday but hey...shit happens.</p> <p>Bottom line-If you're not happy you're kids will know. Idk how they know but they do. The PIT always can pick up on mommas moods even though her momma is a fabulous actress and can cover shit up pretty well.....kids know. You owe it to yourself and to your children to BE HAPPY. Your happiness doesnt have to have anything to do with him....its your world love....run this shit:) </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1596 Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:23:03 +0000 Loloberry 1596@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I was in a similar situation except that my husband had multiple affairs. I was never able to completely recover while I was with him. I also felt as if I deserved to be in a relationship without big black mark. I tried everything I could think of to make it work because I also wanted my son to grow up with both of his parents. I finally came to the conclusion that even if my son had both parents around, we weren't happy, and we weren't modeling for him what a healthy marriage looks like. I don't want my son growing up having a skewed view of how beautiful marriage can actually be. I decided to leave and have healed so much in the short time since I left. I also feel that I am able to be a much better mom because I am not constantly reminded of the hurt that my husband caused me.</p> <p>Have you considered a separation? I was able to see things so much more clearly not being in the relationship day to day. I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my thoughts! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=214#post-1595 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:04:47 +0000 CravingClarity 1595@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>When do you know it's time to go?</p> <p>I am a married mother of two (ages 5 &amp; 3). On January 1, 2008, it was revealed to me that my husband had had an affair in 2006 - while I was pregnant with our second child, and continuing into said child's newborn months. This shocking revelation came by way of a Facebook message from the other woman, who in her own words felt compelled to, "Make things right." My personal thought on that is that her reason had very little to do with her conscience, and a whole lot to do with settling a score with my husband... but it doesn't really matter, now does it? I was 37 when I found out. The OW was 23. Ouch.</p> <p>I could fill this post detailing those awful first days/weeks/months when I learned the impossible truth about my husband, the fallout that occurred within our marriage, but one word sums it up: Devastation. My kids provided the reason for me to keep getting out of bed every day. Marriage counseling provided the "tools" to try to preserve my family - or at least a means of distracting me from the crippling pain. Counseling was a sort of life-line for me. It gave me a plan in terms of exercises to work on, and helped me feel a little more grounded at a time when I was completely off balance.</p> <p>I stayed because I want my kids to live in a home with both parents, because I believe people make mistakes, because I believe my husband is truly sorry, and because the interim between the end of the affair and the day I found out was fraught with very happy living and proud joint accomplishments. And I was scared of being alone. But mostly, it was the kids.</p> <p>For more than a year, I had been working diligently to get past the betrayal. Then came April 1st of this year - the anniversary of my husband's first physical encounter with the OW (appropriate that it was April Fool's Day for many reasons, and significant because it was 4 days before my son was born). I was hurt and angry all over again, asking all the same initial questions. It was an awakening of sorts - things were not progressing/healing as I had hoped. And while I'd been walking the walk of keeping my marriage together, I'd also been drinking too much, gained 35 pounds, and had trouble concentrating. It seems I can never get caught up with things around the house, and I'm constantly rushing because I'm late. My self esteem has taken a big hit and it's as though the external things in my life are matching what the inside feels like. Chaos. As a normally health conscious individual who cares about her appearance and that of her surroundings, I feel as though saving my marriage is coming at the cost of my own self-destruction. Not the example I want to set for my children - especially my daughter!</p> <p>My husband is sorry, accountable, and has done everything I have asked of him in terms of rebuilding my trust. I don't know if the affair I know of is the only one in his past, but I do believe him when he says he would never do it again. I have not been in the workforce since our son was born in 2006, and therefore am financially dependent. We recently started another round of marital counseling that has been put on hold while I go to individual sessions in order to gain some clarity on my own thoughts.</p> <p>My children are smart, happy little people. My husband is attentive, loving, and trying to be hopeful. I wonder if I'm selfish to think that maybe I deserve better than a marriage with a big black mark on it, or a man that makes me feel replaceable. I am at a cross-roads, where either I have to decide to be truly happy in my marriage and let go of my doubts, or I decide to go it alone. And I'll be honest, the latter terrifies me.</p> <p>There are many publications and accounts out there about forgiving/surviving affairs (one of which is written by a woman who claims, "My husband's affair was the best thing that ever happened to me." Come on, Lady. Are you kidding??), but I've found very little about knowing when it's time to call it quits. More specifically, knowing when to call it quits when there are children to consider. I'm interested to hear what you all have to say on the subject. </p>