http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ Single Mom Forum for Single Moms en Sat, 25 May 2013 20:52:29 +0000 http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1512 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:27:56 +0000 grey 1512@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>When I say I'm a single mother, it refers to my marital status. Not my dating status.</p> <p>I've been in a serious relationship for *cough* over 3 years. It's moved slowly for a number of reasons (he didn't meet my kids until about a year in). We don't live together at this point, though we've discussed it... and I'm inwardly cringing at what life will be like with three boys, one with a hard-to-deal-with disability, and then adding all the aspects of blended family/step-parent (if that's a term my partner chooses to go with... I don't even know how to broach that discussion!)... it terrifies me. </p> <p>This is not to say that my partner isn't amazing or trust-worthy, or that I don't have faith in him. But he's never had children, and he's never had to deal with them on a regular basis. He currently will spend every other Saturday night or so over at the house (we typically go on a date, gather the boys, and then snuggle in for the night). So he has some interaction with them. I think I really struggle though, between being "mom" in these scenarios, and also the sexy-amazing-intelligent-intriguing-woman-of-mystery he is dating. ;) It gets more interesting when you have a child with a disability acting out - I sometimes worry if I'm being measured up by how I deal with it all.</p> <p>Of course, he's still with me after three years, and three rambunctious little boys, and even a stint when my ex was a little crazy and making threats to us. So I don't think he's running away. But I find myself getting worked up over the roles our relationship takes, and what it means to us, and the boys ... and it's so complicated that some days I just want to run and hide (for fear that it will all collapse).</p> <p>Sorry, I doubt this was helpful at all. But I can relate. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1425 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:07:15 +0000 boarderccb 1425@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>In response to lpalmer175, i agree with Kristen in that once a single mother, always a single mother. No one (even if he's a saint of a man) will ever love your children the way that you love your children. Hence, even if you are in a serious dating relationship or married to a man that isn't your children's father, you will always have that single mother mentality of feeling like your children are your sole responsibility and not your man's. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1418 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:22:05 +0000 kristen 1418@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>probably means in a serious relationship with someone other than their child(ren)'s father. </p> <p>i think you are single until you are married, even if you are in a serious relationaship. but others think of that one differently. </p> <p>i also think you can remain a single mom in certain ways forever, whether (re)married or not. There are ways in which you will always be your child(ren)'s only parent. it is all in the way you look at it. </p> <p>hope this doesn't confuse you more! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1417 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:20:50 +0000 lpalmer175 1417@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I kinda think this is a cool site but how can women in serious relationships call themselves single? ( I don't mean this disrespectfully, I mean it for honest dicussion.) If your in a serious relatioinship are you single? Or swingers or what? I am confused thank you for clarifying. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1416 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:20:47 +0000 lpalmer175 1416@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I kinda think this is a cool site but how can women in serious relationships call themselves single? ( I don't mean this disrespectfully, I mean it for honest dicussion.) If your in a serious relatioinship are you single? Or swingers or what? I am confused thank you for clarifying. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1232 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 07:34:13 +0000 Precious68 1232@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I feel for you Yvonne... I am in the same predicament too... but only difference is I have not been dating as in real date with any guys after the divorce last Christmas.. Technically I have 'online dates' which all turns out to be mostly are crabs.. there are good ones but married..the ones that is single is too busy and left me message TTYL.. (talk to you later) what ever... My case is worst I know but like you I am hopelessly romantic I crave for intimacy, passionate love making and romance with that someone special.. simply I had never experience those even when I was married..so I want to give it a go! I am not ashamed to admit I am in the stage of finding my self esteem syndrome... Is that bad or what? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1216 Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:50:47 +0000 Yvonne 1216@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>After this weekend, I came to the realization that being with a "Mr.Good Enough" is Not good enough....I want more. I want romance,love and true friendship. Something REAL. At the end of this weekend I'm a little sadder...a little lonlier. It was fun and he was nice, but it was very evident that it was just going to be a weekend away...nothing more. </p> <p>Did I have hopes that after spending time together we would fall deeply in love...yeah I guess I did. But I think it was clear to both of us that we are not meant to be. So, I give up. I give up. I think I need to grow up and face the fact that I may be single for a long time. I don't want to settle and I certainly don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one....but I do want to be in love. I want so badly to be in love...is that pathetic?!</p> <p>I won't lose my hope...it will happen. And when it does I will treasure it. In the meantime, I'm done with dating. I give up. The disappointment is too great. So, I'm back on my break.... </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1214 Sun, 16 Aug 2009 23:53:57 +0000 arscuore 1214@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Wish I could even find a "Good Enough" or "Mr. Right Now"... Just canceled my Match.com subscription. Disappointed and don't have time. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1190 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:26:17 +0000 Yvonne 1190@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Oh...dating is hard. I'm a hopless romantic so I'll never lose hope, but there are times when I do question if Mr.Right is out there. I've been trying online dating on and off and it seems like I've already have gone out with all the ones that had potential...lol. </p> <p>So, as of right now....I'm going out with a "Mr. Good Enough". He is very cute (think Anderson Cooper) and he is really nice...BUT...the red flag is I believe he has a commitment phobia. No big deal...I can't say I see a future with him. I do, however enjoy his company. We're actually going away this weekend to a B&amp;B and taking tours of wineries in the Hill Country. My mom and my sis will be taking care of the kids. This will be my first time without my kids in years!!! I've only been away from them for about six hours at the most...I feel guilty but I really need and deserve a break. I'm excited but I do wish I was going with "Mr.Right"...but for right now..."Mr. Good Enough" will just have to do. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1189 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:45:38 +0000 pickles 1189@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hi!<br /> I am so glad that I found this site! I've spent a couple years, on and off, searching for a "real" online community of single Mothers. </p> <p>I am in a serious relationship of 2.5 years with my BF (single, no children). I am 39, he is 40. I have 2 sweet daughters, 9 and 4 yo.</p> <p>We have been through many experiences throughout our relationship. It is completely different trying to nurture this relationship with children in the picture and being this age. </p> <p>There are endless challenging dynamics that are present as a single Mother dating/having a BF. It's a wonder how we keep it going:</p> <p>-Bringing my kiddos to his family events. Keeping them happy and occupied, while trying to build connections with those family members.</p> <p>-Integrating BF with old friends that are married with kids.</p> <p>-Keeping myself up with make-up and hair while running around like crazy doing job of 2 parents. OMG, not easy! </p> <p>-Having my family accept me with BF after my 10 yr marriage ended. My family loved my ex and had been devastated with the divorce. I was completely blindsided with the divorce.</p> <p>-Seeing BF one-on-one as the visitation schedule permits. often spending time at night after the kids are down - we're confined to being indoors (trying to figure out what we can do besides talking, watching TV, and drinking wine!)</p> <p>These dynamics have surely contributed to many, many gray hairs on my head. I would love to know if any of you relate with these issues. </p> <p>I made a decision to not live with another unless married. We are at this point right now where I would like for us to simulate, as closely as possible, living together, without actually doing-so. It has been a challenge due to schedules, figuring out the finances (who pays for what), being set in our old ways, etc.</p> <p>I could write a book. So glad that this topic was created. Thank you Heather ;) </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1186 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:58:42 +0000 kristen 1186@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I would love to find that special someone - especially since I haven't been married before. I want my shot at it. </p> <p>Problem is that I have never been a "dater." I have always found boyfriends through school or work.</p> <p>I did join meetup.com at your suggest though. But have yet to find anything to attend where the is the potential to meet someone. It has only been a week... </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=132#post-1184 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:41:58 +0000 mssinglemama 1184@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Writing my eBook brought me back to the early days, months and years of dating as a single mama. </p> <p>I know it's hard, so hard. </p> <p>Sometimes it just feels like it's not even worth the effort - if it does feel that way - take a break. Seriously. Just take a breather. You can always pick back up right where you left off. </p> <p>Just wanted to send you all hugs if you're navigating the big, bad dating world. </p> <p>Anyone want to vent or offer advice - go right ahead. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1080 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:52:29 +0000 mssinglemama 1080@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Thank you so much for posting this... I can totally relate to feeling bad about asking for some "me" time so it makes it easier that John offers. But still - I know what you're talking about.</p> <p>Here is a fantastic comment one of my readers posted to my post titled Hold Up, about my feelings that some single mamas couldn't relate to my blog anymore: </p> <p>My son is almost 9yrs old. I met my now husband when my son was almost 4. I was a single mom, working hard, not looking for anyone. All that mattered to me was that my son was healthy and happy. I was happy enough with myself that I didn’t “need’ a man in my life. I “dated” my husband for almost 2yrs before we got married. It’s not easy, and I believe that once you are a single mother for sometime, it gets even harder to date, because you are not only about you, but you and that precious cargo you cary. It’s tough, can get even tougher before it gets easier (if it ever does) but you can and will get through it all, as you say, it just takes work. I have been with my husband for almost 5 years, will be married for three, and it’s still work every day. For a single mother out there to say that you are not being fair, or that you aren’t a “single mom” any more, they are wrong in so many ways. Even though I am married to my husband, and I have another little one, I still look at my son, and think of myself as that single mother. It never goes away, just helps make you stronger, and hopefully happier!</p> <p>---</p> <p>Just love that comment. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=116#post-1078 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:26:03 +0000 Heather 1078@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am a newbie to this site and forum, but I am absolutely lovin' it!!! </p> <p>While happily perusing, I believe that there are a few of us in serious relationships, particularily the Key Master and her Bear. ;o) </p> <p>I know that I have been through various stages and periods of strange contemplation about the ins n' outs of being a single mama in a serious relationship. Just thought it would be nice to have somewhere to chat about these crazy stages and off contemplations with others. </p> <p>My boyfriend (a single, childless Superman) and I have been together for 1 1/2 years and he recently (about 1-2 months ago) moved in with me and my 6 year old son, Oliver. It has been an absolutely amazing journey and a relationship that is more than I could have ever imagined. </p> <p>BUT... at the same time, we are in this strange place of being a newly formed "family", yet not fully formed. Kind of like, are we spending "holidays" together or going to our separate families? I still feel very strange about asking him to hang out with Oliver, so I can go for a run, even though he is home and has no problem with it. It is just silly stuff like that.</p> <p>Also, boyfriend just doesn't seem to fit the bill anymore. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-883 Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:36:41 +0000 Tishia 883@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Jami I so thought about submitting him to Date Wrecks! LOL </p> <p>I think he finally got the message because knock on wood I haven't heard from him since the 2nd dirty nasty text message a few weeks ago! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-835 Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:00:12 +0000 ozbrooke 835@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Tell him you're not attracted to him, - worked for me with the last one who wouldn't get the hint. He completely freaked out but I haven't heard from him since ;) </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-769 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:28:45 +0000 Jami 769@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Send me his picture and we can Date Wreck him...? </p> <p>Haha... Only kidding. (sort of)</p> <p>Be firm or just ignore him. Eventually he'll realize it's not worth the effort to text if you don't answer him. </p> <p>Don't give this dude power over you, girl! If you're going to date, you're going to have to thicken up your skin. There are a LOT of jerks and douches out there. I'm sorry this is rattling you, I've been there as well. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-766 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:44:20 +0000 centralil 766@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Tishia, You should not feel bad. In my opinion, even if you went at it like rabbits, if he talks down or offensively to you and you have asked him to stop, it is harassment. I would block the number if you can. If not, call the phone company and tell them to stop all his calls that he is harassing you. They will take it from there. On a side note, I had a creepy frog once that was texting me msgs that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever after the first time we talked. Except he was sending them at like 3 am. Now, I don't sleep well and am likely to be up then, but what normal person is up at 3 am waiting for the icky creepy guy to text them? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-764 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:04:57 +0000 Tishia 764@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Helen - the please do not contact me again was sent via text to him right after the first nasty message I got. It obviously didn't work because of Friday night's nasty text message. </p> <p>mssinglemama - I hate that something HE's doing is making me feel bad. I didn't do anything (well other than some heavy kissing that was going on which I guess probably shouldn't have happened on a first date) to make him do this to me so I shouldn't feel bad or guilty but I do. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-758 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:20:20 +0000 mssinglemama 758@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hi hon, what a jerk. </p> <p>1. Tell him to take your number out of his phone (with a text) and send it when he is sleeping - so at like 7:30 am when the kid/s wake up.</p> <p>2. Turn your phone off at night when you sleep if the kid/s are home. </p> <p>3. Remember that all of this is justified and don't feel guilty about it. The guy is actually disrupting your sleep and making you feel bad about yourself. EJECT. </p> <p>xoxo </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-757 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:13:36 +0000 Helen 757@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>can you block his number? otherwise text him back with 'Please do not contact me again. Continued contact will be considered harassment and will be dealt with accordingly.' </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=70#post-755 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:58:31 +0000 Tishia 755@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Ok so the dude that I had a good first date with that has since turned into a frog with the nasty text message asking if I wanted to f*** all night. Well he's at it again. I got another charming (rolling eyes here!) text message from him at 1:47am Friday night/Saturday morning. UGH. Yuck. I just don't appreciate being 'talked' to like this. </p> <p>How do you get rid of a big ole FROG? </p>