Single Moms Forum Tag: single mothers

dsga_mom on "Child Support and Custody"

dsga_mom — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 00:47:21 +0000

Not all situations are the same, Marky. My daughter's father actually told me that if I filed for child support, he'd go for custody. So there are actually some scumbags out there that do it.

markymark666666 on "Child Support and Custody"

markymark666666 — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 19:26:29 +0000

Wow this is all really useful information for me. As a father of a child with a mother that did everything she could to keep my son from me, it's good to know that now that I have 50/50 access and joint custody, I can go after her for support as I'm a student with extremely low income. Also, for all the mothers out there making the assumption that the father is only pursuing joint custody to lower support payments? Shame on you. Much shame. The best interests of your child include as much parental involvement from both parents as possible. So when you're claiming that the father only wants joint custody to lower support payments, I could easily say right back to you that the only reason you're fighting it is to keep getting that check every month. I took the time to register to this website to show you all that your uneducated opinions and feelings of selfishness/greed are despicable. You'll realize this when your child grows up to be socially under devloped (and most likely some form of criminal) thanks to his mother doing everything she could to keep him from spending more time with his father so she could get a paycheck for having a baby. Congrats. They'll know the truth soon enough.

gracieee on "Child Support and Custody"

gracieee — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 20:15:48 +0000

I've been through something similar. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/sarahwallflower?feature=guide" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/user/sarahwallflower?feature=guide</a>

karebear on "Child Support and Custody"

karebear — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:58:28 +0000

Cassie, it's been a year since you first posted this. I am in a similar situation now. May I ask how how the custody/visitation turned out? Thank you:)

missyj on "Child Support and Custody"

missyj — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 04:11:35 +0000

OMG all of that has happened to me and I ran out of money after 4 (women) attorney's failed me and my son. Now I wait for the Appellate court to decide that two people who do not communicate , must share custody and visitation with no child support will leave a judges decision to leave me with final decision making authority. I even tried pro SE using the book they gave me and quoted that it was up to the judges description and the best interest of the child. the family mediator and the judged laughed me out of the court. I sit and wait for the time that it all will stop and my son will be old enough to make his own choices. How does a system fail so many of us.

cuddlycutebaby on "Successful Single Parenting"

cuddlycutebaby — Wed, 26 May 2010 10:03:07 +0000

I checked your site your site is looking good for single parents.it is very helpful for me because i am a single Mom. i have a 3 year cute son. making equilibrium in home and office is very tough. <a href="http://www.autismchildparenting.com">Dogs And Children With Autism</a>

cuddlycutebaby on "5 Tips On How To Be An Excellent Single Parenting All-Rounder!"

cuddlycutebaby — Sun, 23 May 2010 04:43:23 +0000

these points were really nice. i also follow these steps. such as i also prioritize the time, seek help from my mom regarding children, give time for home management and be very friendly to my kid. wherever the discipline is needed i become a little strict but shower a plenty of love to my kid, play around with him. <a href="http://www.autismchildparenting.com">Dogs And Children With Autism</a>

CarynRR on "5 Tips On How To Be An Excellent Single Parenting All-Rounder!"

CarynRR — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:55:59 +0000

Asking for and accepting support is imperative to single parenting and parenting alike! I am so glad you had it on the top of the list. This was the hardest part for me. Women are praised now days for being self-reliant but Super Mom really doesn't exist. Great Mom's on the other hand do. I learned the hard way to ask for support as well as except it when it's offered. When my life flows freely so does that of my children. Your blog is amazing and I am so happy to have found you. I will be stopping in daily for my dose of inspiration. Thank you with all of my heart! :)

ronarocks on "5 Tips On How To Be An Excellent Single Parenting All-Rounder!"

ronarocks — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:18:29 +0000

Great advice!

jbroadley on "Single Parenting workshop"

jbroadley — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:32:58 +0000

Single Parenting workshop will be held on Saturday 21 November in Knox’s U.F. Hall, Mill Street, Montrose. 10 – 12am (arrive 9.30am for coffee). Anyone involved with Single Parenting or Extended Family contact <a href="http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com" rel="nofollow">www.successfulsingleparenting.com</a> .

jbroadley on "Holidays for single parents"

jbroadley — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 05:36:46 +0000

As the end of the year comes round yet again, there’s an expectation for peace and good family time from we parents … and a desire for presents and sweets galore from the children! How do we come together in the compromise and make our shared year end a success of us all? Read on as I share my top 7 tips – hope they’re helpful: 1.Get clear about what makes the holidays valuable: Make time to share what you remember about what made these time special in your childhood. 2.Prepare and plan: Who are you going to send cards and gifts to? With more thought there can be more meaning – and if you’re really smart this can bring the price tag down too. 3.Create a good holiday ambiance at home: Take some time to make paper chains, cards, decorations for the tree, cinnamon-smelling fruits (if that’s your thing!). 4.Have open negotiation with your children other parent about what’s the best design for the holidays: Get the children involved if they’re old enough and try to come to an agreement ahead of time. Where your children are younger, both parents would be smart to have a united message about what’s best for ‘sharing’ holidays. 5.If you want to have company over the holidays, get together with friends or with other single parents (or with church if that’s your thing): It might not be what you’ve traditionally done, but there’s no need to be on your own on Christmas day if you want to have a bit more energy around. 6.Make an occasion of the simple things: Relax in the afternoon with a great family movie and a glass of wine. Celebrate every moment. 7.Congratulate yourself as an amazing parent: Get your nails done, your hair done, have a massage and a bit of pampering. Whatever it is – while you enjoy the treats remind yourself that you’ve been outstanding this year and your children are blessed to have you on their side. If you like these ideas form www(dot)successfulsingleparenting(dot)com the please reply at least once. Thanks Jennifer Broadley

jbroadley on "Advice for Single Moms"

jbroadley — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 05:06:09 +0000

If you’re single parenting, like me, you’ll likely to be doing so for one of three main reasons: divorce, bereavement, or choice. Whatever your history, few of us can look to our previous generation of parents to model what a great extended family could look like. It’s up to each of us then to choose the future we most want and get on with changing our mindset, adjusting our habits and claiming the successes that are out there for the taking. Some skills for learning to succeed as a single-parent include: * Adjusting our expectations away from the ‘fairytale’ and into the opportunities of today * Developing a new language of positivity to approach our lives, and those of our children, from a position of choice * Evolving our practical life skills, including time management, financial planning, active listening (with our children), confidence, goal setting and goal getting * Managing downtime and getting the best out of our ‘housebound’ evening hours * Committing to community both for the sake of our personal growth and for the continued social development of our children * Taking responsibility for our expectations of the future and equipping ourselves to achieve all we set out to <a href="http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com</a>

jbroadley on "5 Tips On How To Be An Excellent Single Parenting All-Rounder!"

jbroadley — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:48:53 +0000

1. Know What You Want The first step towards getting what you want, is knowing what you want. I decided very early on that my business was going to support my time with my daughter and not suck away these valuable years with me at work while she was with carers 2. Prioritise Family Time It’s easy to let minutes turn into hours and hours turn into chunks of time that keep you away from home until way passed the children’s bed times. It’s a slippery slope. 3. Allow An Hour For Home Management Each Evening When my daughter’s gone to bed it’s my time to check that the laundry’s up-to-date, there’s food prepared for the next day, the kitchen’s cleaned up, the bathroom’s tidy and any school correspondence, play dates or diary-planning is done. 4. Ask For Support If you’re working part time or full time, managing a home and caring for and encouraging your children single handedly, I already know that you deserve a sainthood!! 5. Be Open With Your Children It takes a lot to learn the balance of sharing with and shielding from our children. Age-appropriate conversations, when you need to have them can be a life saver. I remember discussing with my then 2-year old that it was really hard for me to be getting up in the middle of the night when she called. ‘If you’re scared then call. If you just want someone to be here to lie with you, don’t call. When you have 2 more sleeps in the day time, mummy is working very hard to get everything done so that I can get home for us to have fun before bath time, story time and bedtime’. It worked. Visit for More Tips : <a href="http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com">http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com</a>

jbroadley on "Successful Single Parenting"

jbroadley — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 09:08:03 +0000

I’m Jennifer Broadley and I would like to share some dynamic information and support on how to be a winning single parent with strong, respectful relationships with your children and a comfortable, working relationship with your ex-partner. Please Visit: <a href="http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com">http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com</a>

katya551 on "Child Support and Custody"

katya551 — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:48:56 +0000

This is the first time I have ever posted on this site - could not go by your post because this hits so close to home. The only advise I can give you - get a good attorney, but also understand that joint custody does not mean 50:50 physical custody. Joint legal custody alone will not change your support, whereas split phisical custody will. If you have relatively similar income, or you make more, it will mean no support. Also, in my experience, "the best interest of the child" depends on how good your attorney is, and the "no ability to communicate" is not a get out of jail free card. In my case, although we will mostly likely end up having joint legal custody, my husband is pursuing split legal custody of our 2 y.o. daughter in order to reduce child support, and during the temporary hearing, the judge for now awarded him more time with our daughter than the standard guidelines for shared parenting if we cannot agree on the parenting plan, the support was also decreased to assign him 30% of costs (per guideline), although our income is the same. I am appealing the decision, and have switched a lawyer since, Make you sure you have a strong attorney!

centralil on "Child Support and Custody"

centralil — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:44:01 +0000

Rebecca, Your ex and mine sound the same. Nothing was below him to try to get his way in court. I agree with the be prepared for the worst as well. I was not and got totally blindsided and hurt deeply. I had a sushine atty and it got me taken advantage of. I have learned a valuable lesson but at my son's expense. In the state where my hearing was, the judges decided that joint custody also meant joint visitation. I do not know if the whole state did that, maybe it was just the county I was in. No way of knowing.

rebecca on "Child Support and Custody"

rebecca — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:38:17 +0000

As the others have said....DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Not in a psycho journaling way (because then the judge will think you have too much time on your hands). If he's late, make a note. If he can't keep his word, make a note, etc. The more prepared you are, the better you look to the judge. He MAY get joint custody, but that doesn't necessarily mean the visitation changes. Joint custody means that both of you have a say about decsions made on behalf of your child. In my state (IA), sole custody is rarely awarded, but it has more to do with decsion making as opposed to visitation. My son's father was such a mess in real life, but in court, he was fantastic. He did so well every single time we went to court and it was infuriating. Don't put anything past him. He may do whatever it takes to get what he wants. I have to say, I always prepared myself for the worst in every court hearing we had. I did it to protect myself, but that way, usually the outcomes weren't nearly as bad as I had imagined they could be. I agree that having a good atty, who won't necessarily blow sunshine up your ass, is the best move. They know how the system works and have a good working relationships with the judges. Good luck!

centralil on "Child Support and Custody"

centralil — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:08:37 +0000

Do not for a minute think that he cannot get custody. If he has a really good atty, then you need a really good atty. In the area my court case was in and in the area I live in (two different states), there are numerous cases where the dad gets custody becuase his atty is better. It should boil down to "the best interest of the child", although sadly in my experience and in my area, it does not. It boiled down to who had the most money. And it certainly was not the "poor single mama". I put that in parenthesis because while we were poor based on pay scales, our lives were rich and full. I agree with the statement to document everything, I wish that someone had told me that when I started. Write down everything. This time when we are going to court I used a calendar and made notes in the squares to show which day it happened. If the square was not big enough, I paperclipped a sheet of paper to the canlendar to finish the explanation. This way nothing ever got lost or misfiled. The decision ultimately rests with the judge. If you get a good honest judge, then you should be okay. If not, I wish you luck. But get a good atty. You don't say how old your child is, but you should also request a GAL for him. That will help a lot. And hang in there. The process is brutal, but you can make it through. ETA: I don't mean to sound negative in this post. Most mom's do retain custody with no issues even when the dad brings the issues back to court. I have been hurt badly by the justice and court system that was supposed to protect my son's rights as well as mine. I just want mom's to be aware that it can happen and to be prepared with a good atty who knows what they are doing. I had a lousy atty, an ex with a good atty and a lot of money. He brought me into a battle I had no hope of winning. Now, the tables have turned, and I have an excellent atty and a GAL for my son. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a happy ending next time.

Darcy on "Child Support and Custody"

Darcy — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:41:45 +0000

I agree completely with Nydia - document EVERY LITTLE THING. Your memory will fade with time, and you need to be able to refer to emails, bills, notes from conversations or incidents, whatever, to paint a picture for the judge about what goes on day-to-day. I have mentioned this in other topic posts, but hard evidence (rather than "hearsay", which may be inadmissible) is all a court will consider. Nydia = I hear ya on the child support issue. My ex is more than 34 grand in arrears. He was released from federal prison in March, and will only consider jobs in his previous field (computers). He is sponging off his parents, who have very deep pockets, and says that he is "so sorry" we are forced to live at my dad's house, but that he is "really trying". Whatever.... I know that his family rallied around their other son to hide his income from his landscaping business when his ex was going after him for child support. I suspect the same thing is going on now. It's amazing that some parents (and grandparents) can just leave the responsibility for supporting their children up to someone else and not bat an eye. I can't stand my ex either.

Nydia_aidyN on "Child Support and Custody"

Nydia_aidyN — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:31:21 +0000

Whoa ... this is spooky cause my baby is named Aidyn lol ... His name is my name backwards (Nydia - hence my screen name) I don't think he'll get the joint custody, but, either way I don't think child support depends on whether you have joint custody or not ... and even if the joint custody is granted, it can be only on the basis of legal things while you maintain physical custody ... Document EVERYTHING!!! so if it gets to court, you can show a log of how you guys don't get along ... then you'll stand a much better chance of retaining legal and physical custody as it should be! I absolutely know your fear ... I was w/ my son's father for about a decade (on/off) before we had a baby and I knew I wasn't going to raise the baby w/ him ... I left him cause he was just too darn immature and I just didn't have time to raise the two of them ... so I dropped the man; kept the baby .. Having said that, he took ME to court out of spite ... and filed for joint custody ... then when it was clear to the judge we couldn't do joint he changed his petition to full! I lost my mind! Long story short, we settled: however, I didn't agree to anything other than myself retaining complete sole (legal and physical) custody ... I'm having a serious issue with child support -- he has to pay about $800/mo ... he's paying it now but is setting me up to not pay it cause he knows it'll be harder for me to prove since he gets paid "off the books" ... I really! can't stand this guy ... Hope it works out for us all ...

Helen on "Child Support and Custody"

Helen — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:34:29 +0000

I wouldn't run away to a far off island but I would take his 'offer' seriously....and look for a good lawyer. If he hasn't been active in your child's life for an extended period of time, I wouldn't worry too much. But he can at any time drag you through a long, heart wrenching, emotional wreck of an expensive custody battle. mediation, psych eval, home studies can get expensive fast and being 'judged' as a parent messes with you on a deep level. I would make sure to mention that custody and support are different issues. Just as you can't refuse to allow him parenting time for lack of payment- he can't assume that 50% parenting time will automatically free him of support obligations.

kristen on "Child Support and Custody"

kristen — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:46:33 +0000

i would agree. I know the laws are different everywhere, but in Canada, the family law system is based on what is in "the best interest of the child". Judges don't like to unsettle the routines kids are already in without good reason (in other words abuse or neglect). I was in a similar situation as you. My son's dad never lived with us and filed for joint custody when N was 6 months. In our first temporary order, his dad didn't even get overnight visits because the judge saw it as not in the best interest of the child to separate him from me overnight. In the end. the judge (different one this time) saw right through him and awarded me sole custody. N was 3 by that time and the judge made a point of saying that I had been the primary caregiver for him since birth and the only parent he really had. He wasn't about to uproot my son's life. Also, you are right that judges aren't going to give joint custody to people who have no history of making important joint decisions. They know that if they do, they are likely to see those same parents back in court numerous times to litigate their decisions - and this is a waste of time and money! My lawyer told me that there are parents who come to court to decide who gets their kids for Christmas. That isn't something most judges want to waste their time doing. Good luck,

mssinglemama on "Child Support and Custody"

mssinglemama — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:18:00 +0000

I think the odds of him actually winning joint custody are very slim unless he's spending 50% of his time with Aiden now. I hear this SO often from single mothers, that all of a sudden the MIA father threatens joint custody - it's only because he's found out he would have to pay less child support. So I don't think you have anything to worry about. Am I right? Anyone else?

cassieboorn on "Child Support and Custody"

cassieboorn — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:25:37 +0000

I have been a single parent from the beginning. Aiden's father was not there when he was born and did not become involved until nearly three months later. After playing the paternity card for a few months the paternity test confirmed that yes indeed he was Aiden's father. We now have a very organized visitation schedule. Aiden's father has recently brought up joint custody. After much research I have found that joint custody is reserved for parents that get along well. Parents that can make decisions regarding their child's well being together. WE are not those parents. I do not think that joint custody would be in Aidens best interest. I could not imagine only having him every other week. Just imagining it makes me sick. I have a feeling that his decision to need joint custody has a lot to do child support. He believes that if joint custody is awarded child support will not be mandatory. I am aware that child support laws require him to pay child support regardless of joint custody. Since we are all single mothers here I was hoping to get some advice?,