http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ Single Mom Forum for Single Moms en Thu, 20 Jun 2013 05:05:53 +0000 http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=7238#post-10226 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 03:27:42 +0000 HoneyBee 10226@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>So just like "Ms. Single MaMa", I too had gotten married, had a baby and shortly after noticed I had married a toad. I say toad because as I get older.. the uglier of a person he becomes. </p> <p>Anyways,I left him when my son Mason was 4months and shortly after divorced. He moved 2.5 hours away causing us to do a every other weekend visitation. He has a hard time keeping a job, has not supplied health insurrance up until now. Mason will be 5years old next month. </p> <p> This is where I need to vent. I also need advice to see if I am in the wrong, what I could change or how to handle my situation. </p> <p>Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I had arranged for Mason to have his Tonsils and adnoids(sp?) removed. Technicially it was the Toads turn to have him for the Holiday and it was his weekend. Before I had scheduled it, I had discussed it with him to make sure it was alright. He said to just let him know when/where/time. With having the holiday I was able to take off more time from work to take care of my son Mason, while he recovers. His dad, just came down the day of until an hour into the recovery and left. </p> <p>Today I had texted the Toad to see if he was taking Mason this weekend because he missed last weekend due to the surgery. He said no and that he was going to take me back to court because I wouldn't allow him to have him this past weekend and I purposly did this to hurt him (the toad). Prior to this conversation we had agreed right after I had scheduled the surgery for him to have Mason two weeks in a row to make up for the lost visitation time. </p> <p>Now being in this situation would you have done the same? Taken advantage of the extra time off so your son could recover more? Do I just ignore his stupidity and embrace the court by pointing out the negatives? i.e.- owes child support, declined visitation, behind on daycare payments (owed to me) and etc? </p> <p>I thought I was being reasonable and responsible since I am the one taking care of Mason full time. Since I am the one who has to use all my PTO at work for this, I feel I am in the right to take off when it is the easist for me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=2208#post-4744 Fri, 03 Aug 2012 14:20:01 +0000 lhoping 4744@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>This single mom is having visitation issues with her EX - she needs your advice on how to handle the situation - please give her some helpful suggestions or at least a thumbs up or down on her position - she posted here: <a href="http://www.equibbly.com/disputes/my-child-s-father-is-not-being-resonable" rel="nofollow">http://www.equibbly.com/disputes/my-child-s-father-is-not-being-resonable</a> </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=981#post-3277 Sat, 18 Feb 2012 21:25:38 +0000 Elisabeth 3277@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>My heart almost broke reading this. My husband moved out before my daughter was born. Our older children left Friday afternoon every other weekend but the baby stayed with me. For the first 14 months of her life he took her twice for 3 hours. By my count the first time he took her for weekend visitation he had changed her diaper only once.</p> <p>I stayed awake long into the night praying she wasn't scared, praying she wasn't crying for me. I was terrified. But she survived. And I survived. She turns 5 at the end of this month. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=981#post-3222 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:07:27 +0000 jhughes321 3222@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Hi - I am a new single mom (husband left in Sept 2011). I have a 14 month old son. The visitation schedule has been supervised visits... to unsupervised for a day for 8 hrs... and as of March 1 - every other weekend overnights. </p> <p>I have been my son's primary caregiver and have never spent the night away from him. It is tearing me apart to think of my son staying the weekend - and every other weekend - with my soon to be ex husband. My husband did not bond well with my son while he was with us and developed his own PPD. Now since he left - and with his weekend day visit - he's constantly in my son's face with toys. My son still wakes in the night and I am in the process of weaning (hoping this will be easier for when he starts the overnights). </p> <p>I guess I am fearing that he will be crying for me, that my husband will let him 'cry it out,' get hurt etc. </p> <p>Can someone please provide some motivation or advice on how to deal with this? I feel bad too because my son is so innocent and now he has to do this the rest of his life. He didn't ask for this... I didn't ask for this. I would rather my husband just move away and leave us alone.</p> <p>Thanks. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=557#post-2653 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:19:34 +0000 got_hugs 2653@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Yes, definitely look into it. I know I'm not going to like all of her suggestions, but at least she can keep my ex in check. </p> <p>Good luck!! Keep me posted! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=557#post-2652 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 18:05:40 +0000 swoopey 2652@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Thank you! I have never even heard of a parenting consultant, I'll certainly ask my lawyer. Last night he flat out said he's trying to be their friend. Maybe a third party would have some impact. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=557#post-2650 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 17:02:08 +0000 got_hugs 2650@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Do you have a parenting consultant? We had one appointed in our divorce decree. Those are issues you could bring up with them. Right now I am going through issues with my ex-husband and fortunately have one on retainer. If you don't have one, call your attorney for a recommendation. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=557#post-2639 Tue, 13 Sep 2011 02:15:35 +0000 swoopey 2639@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>We are really struggling with homework not getting done on days that the kids are with their father. My oldest is just entering middle school and the volume has increased exponentially. Of course, he's also getting involved in sports, and my little boy suddenly has a social life and opinions of his own! Once they get to their father's house, he turns on the TV or sends them outside so he can sleep or text or otherwise disengage. That's one thing in the summer, or when your child is pulling straight A's, but now my son is struggling with great volumes of homework, and was failing 3 of his classes. I encourage all 3 kids to stand up for themselves, and they do, but tonight my son was told to leave his backpack in the car, that homework could be done when he got home. He doesn't get home until 7:30 two consecutive nights a week, and two hours of homework is not unusual.</p> <p>I'm so torn as to what to do. Dealing with their father is like dealing with a teenager! He will purchase violent video games and tell the kids he can because "It's his decision!" My request to make sure homework gets done will likely continue to result in frustration for myself and my children. So, I am documenting every time they come home without completing homework and how late he is up completing it. I feel guilty for even contemplating filing to have his weekday visitation revoked, (at least during the school year). Frankly, I don't know if that's really even an option. But, education ought to be a priority, right? And Middle School Math is really not that hard if you have Google! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-2206 Fri, 21 Jan 2011 14:09:32 +0000 tsolis 2206@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am currently in the middle of a divorce. When he put the divorce in I was still pregnant but thats not the issue. At this point the issue is fighting for custody, My son is only 3 weeks old and I want him in both of our lives. I need to know if there is any known cause for me to lose custody of my son. My ex-husband to be is currently enrolled in college as a full time student and at this point I am a stay at home mom living with his parents until we both get on our feets to be financially stable. But he just said he doesnt want to live with me anymore so i have no choice but to head back to CT where all of my support and family and friends are. Is there anyway I will lose custody. He wants to fight for full custody and not allow me to see my son at all and have no rigths to him just because in discussing a living arrangement for the baby I couldnt decide on what I wanted for the baby. Now he is pissed and I would like to fight for primary custody. Where I have him during the school year and his father can get him during the holidays and vacations, i just ask to share christmases and his birthday since they are only 5 days apart. I want his father in his life. I just think that I would be better because i am here all the time my schooling will end before the baby even starts pre-k, he will be in school for the next 8 years, medical coverage my family will help until i get my own to put the baby under mine. I just need to know is there a known reason i wont recieve custody in our situation </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-2155 Sat, 11 Dec 2010 03:54:47 +0000 lovemychildren 2155@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Please help me...my exhusband is adament with his attorney of requesting LEGAL sole custody of my children. His reasons are that I have a history of domestic violence abuse; convicted criminal; perpetrator; refusing to take my children to counseling and treatments; refusing to have them assessed; etc. The case was dismissed after I took the 52-week batter program, but then he took on the three years to take my children and himself to Victim counseling on they turned back to make me pay the restitution fee to my ex-husband. We settled for less and now after two years case finished; my ex wants Legal custody on grounds that I am refusing counseling and treatments for my kids. Plus, he wants them to go back to Victim counseling. I feel so sad for my children, truly. I have always been the one to take them to dentists; doctors; activities; sign them up for activities; etc. And now this man wants to stop child support and claim me unfit of domestic violent history and take LEGAL custody of my children's education, religion, welfare and medical life. Please any advice besides finding a good lawyer. If the Judge grants him LEGAL custody; and I get physical custody... does all child support help stop because I will be only making min wage with children under age 9; so that I can be there for them when they finish school. Right now we have joint legal and physical custody. It has been four years. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1867 Thu, 13 May 2010 07:34:33 +0000 scharlie 1867@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>It seems a lot wrong is going in your life.<br /> its your case and you can hire an attorney who you wish not according to your husband.<br /> in his way the attorney can be biased towards him in getting legal aids.<br /> so dont get depressed and get a new attorney.<br /> and also get a medical certificate from your therapist about your being fine, hale and hearty.</p> <p><a href="http://www.childcustodydispute.com">child custody modification</a> </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1866 Thu, 13 May 2010 07:29:38 +0000 scharlie 1866@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>look kristen,<br /> One thing you must know that you are a partner of his unless you came to know about his earlier marriage. but now if this relation persists you will be considered only as his keep.<br /> so no need to give him any sort of lift.<br /> if he has a court permission let your son meet him only till that time and strictly resist any other useless talks by him.<br /> he is the father of the child it doesnt mean he has bought you.<br /> he is a betrayer and such a person who cannot be given another chance.<br /> i know i am a little harsh towards it but i get very upset towards those who betray or cheat on women.<br /> develop some courage in you and face him strictly to avoid further harassment. </p> <p><a href="http://www.childcustodydispute.com">child custody modification</a> </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1788 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 04:08:40 +0000 kristen 1788@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>i have spent a lot of time thinking about this exact issue, counselingmarshall. and it is one of the main reasons that his time with his father is limited - to limit the negative influence that he could have on my son. it is, admittedly, a balancing act. the benefits of knowing his father vs. the possible negative influence he could have on his life. </p> <p>i have tried to think about the future and how my actions will be seen by my son. it is after all our actions that teach our children the most. i could not see how i could explain to him when he is older that i kept him from his father. his dad lives close by and wants a relationship with him. i could see myself explaining that his father's choices and behaviour were such that i needed to limit his influence. by the time we have this conversation, he will have learned first hand what i am talking about. </p> <p>i am also surrounding him with plenty of good people to balance out the bad...</p> <p>i should add that my son is biracial so there is an aspect of who he is that i do not share and cannot fully identify with. this will become more important when he gets older and tries to define "who he is." </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1787 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:33:38 +0000 counselingmarshall 1787@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>"My son needs his father to be part of his life and I am not interested in cutting that off."</p> <p>Why? Why does your son need to learn that men aren't capable of being respectful of women? Lot's of boys grow up and do very well in life without the burden and/or advantage of having their fathers around. In this case I think it is wise to check your assumption about your child's assumed need to have this guy around. He sound like he will be a bad influence.. imagine what that guy will teach your teenage son! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1756 Sat, 16 Jan 2010 18:28:54 +0000 kristen 1756@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>msm - i guess the answer to why is because my son has a right to a relationship with his father. he is not abusive to him and is in fact very loving and supportive when it suits him. most of the time, however, his mind is on other things. i characterize him as having the emotional intelligence of a teenager. he is quite self-centered and driven by emotional reactions to things, rather than thought or morality. </p> <p>he will learn a lot of real life stuff from his father, some of it good, some of it bad. luckily i am there to be the "real parent." he talks quite easily with me about his feelings with regard to his dad and i validate those feelings. he is learning and will learn throughout his life why his dad is not really part of our family, why he was kept at a distance. </p> <p>as for the situation at hand, i probably need to move a lot more of the visits to public places since he behaves better in public. i have been thinking about it and while it is "easier" for me to have him in my home (less planning involved and lord knows i am busy enough), that might have to stop for a while. the court order does say visits should be in a neutral environment. </p> <p>thanks for your suggestions everyone. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1754 Sat, 16 Jan 2010 02:02:51 +0000 Kathryn1124 1754@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Do you have a male friend or relative you could take with you? </p> <p>I'd get on the waiting list for the visitation center; a year goes by fast and it sounds like you'll be in the same situation a year from now. Maybe if you get into the visitation center, he'll stop visiting and that'll be the end of the problem. Because it doesn't sound like he cares much about his son, and if he doesn't, your child is better off without him. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1753 Sat, 16 Jan 2010 01:58:31 +0000 mssinglemama 1753@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I rarely say this - but it sounds like this guy has no right to be seeing his son. What kind of a role model is he? To be doing that to you? And if you can't trust him alone with him... why? </p> <p>My two cents. It just doesn't sound like these visitations are good for your son. To see Daddy hitting on Mommy. What if you sent someone else - like a friend or relative? Would he show up if you weren't there? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1751 Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:09:50 +0000 kristen 1751@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I guess it is nice to hear I am not the only one going through this. though, i wish neither of us was...</p> <p>citygirllost - the visitation centres are pretty much it (i am in ontario, canada, by the way) and they have long waiting lists and kids with history of abuse etc to help. as it isn't my child that needs the centre, but me, it would be hard to get in. then there is the issue of his ego - he wouldn't accept only having access in a "public" place, unfortunately. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1749 Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:03:05 +0000 LO 2010 1749@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I'm in a similar situation. My son's father is always trying to get back together and I am always trying to avoid his advances. The visitations are just like yours...supervised by me. Not only do I tell him off and that I am not attracted to him, etc etc but when it is time for the visit I will just go to the next room...within an earshot of what is going on. If he follows me into that room I simply ignore him or act as if he is not there and play or talk or do something with my son since he doesn't seem to have the time to. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1742 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:15:55 +0000 CityGirlLost 1742@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Can't you request a visitation supervisor from the court system? Am I naive in thinking that? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1740 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:33:26 +0000 kristen 1740@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I think I saw another post of yours about how to find a good lawyer? That is your first step. I know that you are worried and even perhaps panicking about this. That is completely normal. The only way I can calm myself down when I get upset is to gather the information I need and then take appropriate steps. It is the unknowns that are the scariest. </p> <p>Go with a recommendation from a friend/coworker on the lawyer thing. That is much better than pulling a name out of the phone book. But if you don't think the lawyer is the one for you, keep looking around. Like any service, you need to get your needs met in the arrangement. But, this will cost money. </p> <p>Now to help with your concerns above... How you and your husband will be providing for the child once you are separated will be part of the discussion with your lawyers and ultimately with the court. If he has no place to live, or at least no place that is suitable/safe for a child, your lawyer can ask the judge to have that as a condition in your agreement. Similarly, the judge can order blood/urine tests for drug use as a condition. </p> <p>Start gathering as much information as you can and write EVERYTHING down. You will feel crazy doing it, but take note of every time he smokes while responsible for your child, when he doesn't meet his basic needs (food, water, diaper changes, sleep), any threats he makes towards you. A good lawyer will go through these notes with you and determine what is admissible or useful to your case. Start writing your back story as well since it might be part of your case file. This is all part of being prepared, and the more prepared you are, the better you look in the eyes of the judge. Evidence of being a good mother is showing that you can support and nuture your child physically, emotionally and spiritually (if that is a factor). If you can prove that you have a good job, child care, support from family, friends, a church or other support system you are well on your way. </p> <p>There are some good resources on the web. Make sure that what you find is applicable in your region because laws are different in different places. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1739 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 14:37:35 +0000 piccu9 1739@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Well for me, that's just it. How does one prove they're a good mother when it's just me and my DH in the house? For me, I notice he doesn't do little things that add up. I told him that I didn't want our son to watch Family Guy and we need to watch what he watches. I get an eye roll and a whatever that's dumb. I tell him to feed him snacks/give water throughout the day, he doesn't. My husband's childish behavior and emotional abuse in front of our son is totally behind closed doors. I do have emails but still, I can't prove that I'm a better mom--or at least don't know how. </p> <p>I just feel that it's going to turn into a total he said/she said. I don't even know how to prove he smokes weed daily/multiple times a day. I really don't want to keep him away from our son, just more or less supervised. My biggest concern is my husband can't afford squat (let alone child support) on his own where I worry where he's going to live next and if that's the case, my son will be in danger. There's a big difference in our salaries and the only way my husband will make it is to room with a friend (and while the guy is nice, he has a pit bull--um no!) or will live in the crappiest of apartments where I'm worried about not only the safety of the apartment (he's a lazy slob who barely watches safety for our son like electrical cords, etc) or the neighbors of that apartment. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=246#post-1738 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 03:25:18 +0000 kristen 1738@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>So my son's father lied to me about being married while we were together. I found out the truth once I was pregnant. He is still with his wife - 5 years later. He sees my son once or twice a week under my supervision, as outlined in our court order. </p> <p>The problem is that he will not leave me alone. He spends most of his visitation time making sexual advances towards me. He tries to tell me that we have this bond, and that I am "his' because we share a child. I tell him to go back to his wife. I have told him off numerous times and have been very clear that I don't want anything to do with him. It's like he doesn't hear me. But I am stuck with this. I can't trust him to take my son out without me around. I don't have anyone nearby who could supervise the visits for me. There are year-long waiting lists for the court-approved supervision centres. I am out of options. My son needs his father to be part of his life and I am not interested in cutting that off. I just want him to stop harassing me.</p> <p>Does anybody have any ideas? </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1737 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 03:04:34 +0000 winecountrymom 1737@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>In my case, it was 50/50 custody across the board. The kids went to their dad's house every single weekend for the whole weekend. I worked during the week and was missing out on all my quality time with them. Thing is, my ex was an abusive prick when we were married, drank too much, and spent his quality time with the kids passed out on the couch. The kids were left to fend for themselves at ages 3 and 6. It was ridiculous. It took a police altercation while the kids were in his custody, a very scary turn of events that caused the courts and the law to finally take me seriously and give me full custody and for him to lose even visitation rights until he followed all their guidelines to eventually earn it back.</p> <p>From experience, the best advice I give anyone going through what you are going through is to prove your own capabilities towards being a mother before disgracing your child's parent in their parenting skills. Definitely get all the proof you need to prove your innocence in his allegations. Propose the visitation schedule you have set forth. If you have valid concerns for your son's safety in your ex's care, mention those WITH PROOF. Remain calm, even if he says something totally outlandish, and focus all your conversations to the judge. If the court battle becomes a giant "he said, she said", the judge tunes out and just gives whatever he feels like giving. Same goes if you remain silent. If it isn't said, the judge isn't going to guess at what's going on, even if your ex is acting like a complete ass.</p> <p>Final note: no judge is going to take away custody from either parent without just cause. In this situation, it doesn't sound like there is just cause at all for you to lose custody of your son, especially since he is at such a tender age of needing his mother. I feel for you. Custody battles are the absolute worst! </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1735 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:47:01 +0000 kristen 1735@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>sounds like you have plenty of proof that you are not crazy. he is probably trying to scare you. stay strong, follow the advice of your lawyer and keep a positive attitude. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1731 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:05:35 +0000 piccu9 1731@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Oh and my depression? It was a day of the "blahs". Not one incident was me being incapacitated. Since the birth of our son, I've never, ever been depressed. Anxious at times, but never depressed. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=243#post-1730 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:04:36 +0000 piccu9 1730@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I ask because my DH is threatening to file for sole custody and I get weekends. His grounds? I have been in and out of therapy for "severe depression/crazy".</p> <p>I was in therapy for some depression WAY BEFORE HIM (as in 3 years ago) to get over my abusive family life. By the time I met him, I was fine. My mother probably is a BPD and my father is just abusive. In other words, they're out of touch and just nuts. Twenty years ago I was illegally committed in a hospital (they forced me to sign. My therapist now says that the situation was totally illegal since they were totally hounding me for insurance info and I wasn't suicidal. I was just naive and signed myself in because they said I had no choice). He's also trying to use that.</p> <p>My therapis said she would write a letter saying I'm fully capable of raising our son. Plus my DH can't afford to live on his own, doesn't have healthcare, retirement, etc. I carry the financial load. He has a chronic use of marijuana (daily/multiple times), financial issues, violent issues (punching holes in the wall), emotional abuse, threatening people, I have a pic of myself with a bruise on my arm from when he grabbed me, etc. I have saved all emails from him. But I have never filed a police report. Even my OB seen how miserable I was with him and how unreasonable/bullyish he can be (he was with her over an incident). </p> <p>I never wanted to keep him away from our son. Visitation to me would be the same like it is now due to our work schedule. Yet he wants to take our son away from me. Can this happen? Everyone keeps telling me I'm not a crack whore stripper so I will probably wind up with full custody and he would get visitiation but he will fight it hard.</p> <p>Also the lawyer he wants to use is a mutual friend. Could I file conflict of interest? </p> <p>Our son is 14 months old. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=125#post-1158 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:21:55 +0000 allycat 1158@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Thanks for the advice sarg303. Yes, I am staying because of our daughter, and because I just don't feel like packing up my things and moving right now. It sounds strange, but I need to mentally get to the point where I am ready before I can physically do anything. As long as we aren't fighting, I am fine. Sometimes the silence treatment is nice. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=125#post-1157 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 01:54:50 +0000 sarg303 1157@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>Allycat, you and I must have been twins separated at birth! It took a really long time for me to make the firm decision to go through with my divorce, too. The only reason we stayed together this long was because we had a child. I read a blog the other day (I wish I could remember the link) that was on giving advice to women to help save their bad marriages. It was something to the effect of rating your marriage on a scale from 1 (wish he would drop dead) to 10 (so glad I married this guy). Then work on getting things better for 4 months and re-rate. If the rating hasn't changed, then you can walk away from your marriage with no guilt or regrets, knowing you did what you could and it didn't work. Is it better to raise your child in a dysfunctional family, or a single parent family? I would rather try to start over than model an awful environment for my son and have him grow up believing it's normal for two married people to act this way around each other. </p> <p>I know it's hard. But every day it will get better. </p> http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/topic.php?id=125#post-1154 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:59:05 +0000 allycat 1154@http://www.mssinglemama.com/single-moms/ <p>I am still living with my husband too. I saw a lawyer, but haven't made anything official yet. We are in that weird limbo right now. I know what I have to do, but I'm scared because I know that it will be it, forever. I think that I am in the mourning process right now. It is so hard. </p>