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Single Moms Forum » Dating Single Moms

Had my first living room date last night/need help

(9 posts)

  1. mom23inmd
    Member

    I felt like I was living at my parents' house!! Don't get me wrong, it was GREAT to see "P" without having to pay for a sitter. But my kids are 8, 5, and 4, and I was constantly worried that someone was going to walk in on us when we were being affectionate with each other. I'm not even talking about naked affection! I did tell my oldest that P was coming over after everyone was in bed, just in case my son heard voices and wondered what was going on downstairs.

    For those more experienced, how did you make that transition? My kids have met him, but always as a "friend" ... so it would freak them out to see me kissing him or holding hands or whatever. They've never met a man that I've dated, and my two youngest don't even remember that mommy and daddy used to sleep in the same room or even live together!

    Thanks for your wisdom!

    Posted 3 years ago #

  2. SixofOne
    Member

    I'm in this situation as the man. I do everything in my power to protect her daughter. I would never want to hurt the children. Adult time is so hard, and I've felt the high school living room feeling. Talk to HIM!!! Please!!! We aren't rocks, yes we may be men, but we do having feelings! You'd be surprised, and if he won't open up to you, move on.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  3. mom23inmd
    Member

    I should clarify ... my boyfriend is GREAT about it. He has kids too (they are teenagers though), and he understands and completely respects my kids' needs. My issue is more so with my kids ... or maybe it's with me. How do I get past that awkward feeling? They have met and spent time with my boyfriend, but how do I introduce them into seeing me showing affection towards him?

    The awkward living room scene was really because I was afraid that they would wake up and see me holding his hand, or (*gasp*!), even kissing him. My two youngest don't even remember me being part of a couple with their dad, and my oldest is my sweet naive boy who would be totally grossed out if he saw me kissing a man. They just don't know me as part of a couple.

    For the past three years that I've been single, I mourned the fact that my kids weren't going to grow up in a home where they were learning how a healthy, loving adult relationship works. Now that I'm in a healthy, loving relationship, how do I ease them into being able to witness it and accept it?

    Posted 3 years ago #

  4. momma2boys
    Member

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I just started dating after being divorced for 3 years - yes I'm a slow starter!
    But now my concern is when do you start to show affection with this person who you do have feelings for in front of your children?
    The only advice I can give you is to talk to him. Ask him what he feels comfortable with, and maybe work together with some ideas of a timeline that makes you happy.
    Don't rush it, if he is a good guy he will be sensitive to the issue and help you with your concerns. Good luck!

    Posted 3 years ago #

  5. mssinglemama
    Key Master

    Any way to put bells on their doors?

    Hypothetical... because I have a young son and I don't know yet. If they did come down and see you kissing... would that traumatize them forever? Would that really be so bad?

    What about crunchy things on the stairs outside of their doors?

    Ha.

    I think we all need to relax about everything... we are adults, they are children. As long as they don't see mommy kissing a new man every week, I don't think they will be permanently damaged or anything.

    That's my food for thought.

    Another idea - why not try kissing each other in front of the kids? Would that maybe break everyone in a bit... again, I think it's healthy for kids to see two affectionate adults.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  6. mariposamommy
    Member

    My children are very little, (3 1/2 and 1 1/2) and I have a permanent gate at the top of the stairs, where all the bedrooms are. It comes in handy! Living room dates are all "J" and I have right now! That gate ensures we are ALONE! Ha! :)

    Posted 3 years ago #

  7. girlwomangoddess
    Member

    I live in my parents guest house so I am really looking forward to moving into my own place so I can have these living room dates. A couple things I plan on is dd has always and will always (if I have my way) sleep with the door closed. Also I like have a small couch in my bedroom so I can entertain in my room without having to be in my bed.....

    Posted 3 years ago #

  8. mssinglemama
    Key Master

    Mom23inMd - any news? Any thing to report back? I hope you've conquered your fear or found a solution, sorry we couldn't be more helpful!

    Posted 3 years ago #

  9. mom23inmd
    Member

    Yes, I have gotten past it. One evening the kids walked in on us holding hands, and I just didn't move my hand away from him. It was no big deal. My 4-year-old announced to her brother (8) and sister (5) in the car one day that "Mommy has a boyfriend". It was the perfect opening to talk to all 3 of them about how they feel about me having a boyfriend, and what exactly does it mean to have a boyfriend.

    They adore him, and he has done a ton to advance his relationship with them, so overall, it has worked out wonderfully. Thanks for asking!

    Posted 3 years ago #

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