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Single Moms Forum » Dating Single Moms

1. 

   TheAzuredrake
   Member

   Yup, here comes the guilt...

   So I met a guy, he doesn't live in my town, and is infact about 3 hours away. So his visits will be sporadic. I had hoped to have my ex agree to skip up the weekend visits so that on the weekends the new guy is going to be in town I am without child. Ex won't agree to that (see: other issues with custody being played out). So I'm considering letting my ex take our son on a few weekends that aren't "his" so I can spend time with the new guy.

   But then I think maybe I'm doing something wrong. Does putting my son first mean I can't want to spend time with someone else? I have my son all during the week and I don't plan to do it often, but it gives him some extra time with his dad and me some freedom.

   Am I doing something wrong here? Should I feel guilty? Should I just find a local guy who can be more flexible and mesh better with my visitation schedule?

   I editted this to say, this new guy, I'm not sure how serious it is, it could all be in fun, so I don't want to plan things with him AND my son just yet. But I want to see if it might go somewhere and I have to spend some time with him to figure that out...

   Posted 3 years ago #
2. 

   junctionmama
   Member

   What is it with single parents and long distance relationships?

   What I can tell you from experience is that if this develops into something serious, it will be painful not to have this guy around all the time. I have been dating a guy for a few months now who lives 6 hours away, is working in my city right now, but goes home every two weeks and will be leaving permanently soon. It's extremely painful to have to say goodbye every time he goes away.

   As single moms, we need someone who's around full time. Do you really want more complications and drama in your life?

   But I'm just speaking from personal experience here. And the guilt thing, I think moms feel guilty no matter what. As long as your son is happy and his needs are met, I wouldn't worry too much. You need to have a fulfilling life and you need to be happy too!

   Good luck whatever you decide to do.

   Posted 3 years ago #
3. 

   rebecca
   Member

   I'm just concerned if you have custody issues to work out yet, any changes in the schedule (especially for your reasons) won't look good if it goes in front of a judge. It can be misconstrued, and probably will be.

   There's nothing wrong with wanting some time to do "your" thing, and I'm not trying to discourage your relationship, but your son comes first. And if you're still figuring out custody, I'd just leave things as is for the time being.

   Posted 3 years ago #
4. 

   boarderccb
   Member

   I agree with junctionmama in that, I think long-distance relationships are difficult. For the first 6 months of our relationship, my current BF and I only lived an hour away fom each other, I moved last month (to be closer to work, not to him...although it's a bonus)and now we're only 20 minutes apart. It's really difficult to be in any relationship as a single mother...and if you can only see your BF every few weekends, that's emotionally draining.

   That being said, I don't think you should feel guilty leaving your son with his father every few weekends. (As long as he won't turn it around against you at any point in the future. AND as long as he's a good father...(my ex isn't, so I couldn't do this). I've foudn that in life, I only regret the things I didn't do not the things I have done...even if it was the wrong decision.

   Posted 3 years ago #
5. 

   TheAzuredrake
   Member

   Thanks everyone. The issues working out the custody are definitely weighing on my mind as well. I figured long distance might be good because he won't be too demanding of my time through the week and I could use my free weekends to spend with him. I will probably not do too much weekend switching then, and just try to get time with him on the weekends that are already set for G to go with his daddy.

   Also, if G's daddy wasn't a good enough father I wouldn't even consider the weekends. As it is, he has visitation every other weekend, so I'm not giving him a lot more than he already has, just a little more often.

   Posted 3 years ago #
6. 

   ronarocks
   Member

   My ex and I watched our DD for the other if we wanted to go out with people or have visits from people we dated. Neither of us wanted our DD meeting people the other was seeing until it was SERIOUS! Me especially. The thought of other women adoring her was too much. Also, it would be confusing for her, not to mention the confusion if we got walked in on or she could hear us! We worked our way to equal time, though, so mostly we could do it on our own time. :) Did I say DO IT! HAW!

   Posted 3 years ago #

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