Hi! I'm so happy to have found this place. I'm eager for some advice on whether a long distance relationship can work for a single mom. We've been seeing each other for a few months. We live about 2hrs apart. I've gone to him about once a month for a night on a weekend. He has found a way to come down for dinner, overnight (when kid was elsewhere) about once a month (or less). I'd like to see him more but I can't go up there more than once a month since I have to have family to come stay with my child (and its a pain to pack, etc.). My child's dad lives even further away so I don't have regular nights when I have the house to myself. SO the only way he can stay over is when my child is here (unless I arrange for a sleep over). My question, any ideas on how to make this work OR is this really totally impossible considering my situation? I don't like having to wait 3 weeks to see him - seems to defeat the purpose of dating someone! Thanks!
The Long Distance Thing...(10 posts)
I just started a long distance relationship as well.. only diffirence is that we stay even furhter apart than you guys! It hasn't been easy but we're giving it our all to try and make it work. we gave ourselves a 6 month time frime to see how it goes. If we are still very much in love after that we will move closer to each other. I must say that the long distance thing is actually perfect for me at the moment .. this way I'm not rushing into a new relationship and I still have my own time to work through the breakup with my ex and to spend with my boy!!
My boyfriend just moved in with me after a 2-year long distance relationship! We were VERY long distance: Seattle (me) to Dallas (him). We saw each other twice/year. The rest of our relationship was over the phone and video chat.
So I can tell you that it IS possible, but really, really, really hard. I knew I wanted to be with him for the long haul, so the pain and difficulties were worth it. Still, there were times I wanted to give up.
But I think there are some perks to the long distance thing too. For one thing, The Man and I spent so much time talking that we got to know each other on a much deeper level than I think a lot of "same city" couples do initially. Also, when I dated men in the same city as me, I always found that they wanted more of my time than I could give them (being a single mom). I really didn't have time for anything more than a long distance relationship!
The key (as with anything) is communication. It can be scary being in a long distance relationship, it's easier to lose faith, easier to argue, harder to make amends through a hug and a kiss. So keeping the communication lines open and making sure you're both on the same page in terms of commitment are important.
That's what I'm coming up with off the top of my head. I'll pop back over later if I think of more tips. But the short answer to your question is: Yes, it can work.
Hi Cupcake --
I've been in a long distance relationship now for about 10 months (though we were broken up for almost 3 right in the middle of things).
He and I live 3 hours apart. Since getting back together in May, we have been able to consistently see one another for a weekend every two weeks (sometimes a little more frequently, because I have 50/50 custody with my ex & he has been generally agreeable to working out arrangements that allow me more time time see my new man).
Long distance relationships are hard. They're even harder when you're both single parents, and there is no hope of the two of you living in the same city any time soon. But it is definitely possible...it just has to be something that you both really want and really believe in.
I agree that good communication is key. I call my guy every night at bedtime. We just use this time to re-cap how our days went...just a little "check in". We also email each other throughout the day, just little notes, little "hellos", whatever.
I think that it's important to try and set up some kind of a regular schedule. I do better when I'm able to anticipate our next weekend together. Not knowing when I'm going to see him again is the worst. Even if it's going to be three weeks or more down the road, knowing when that time will be does help.
He and I do our best to make our time together count as much as possible. We plan outings, do fun things together, but try to balance that by having as much "normal couple time" in there as possible. Sometimes we just stay in and watch movies all day, cuddling on the couch...because that's what we we do if we were a "regular" couple.
It's still scary sometimes, for sure. It's hard being in a relationship without knowing where it's going to lead. But when the person you're with is wonderful, then it's definitely worth pushing past those fears.
I write a lot about my long distance relationship on my blog - you should come by and check it out sometime: http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com/
Also, feel free to email me - email@example.com if you want to chat more about this.
Thanks ladies! I agree that there are some perks. My struggle right now is dealing with the days of radio silence between our visits. Maybe the relationship is just too new but I don't feel like we talk enough between visits. How often do/did you talk to your man? Missy, how often do you see each other - and who goes/stays where?
my man stays a whole 12hr drive away from me!! but he's career allows us to see each other about once a month as he needs to travel a lot. I haven't gone to vist him yet, he has been coming to visit me each time.. as a matter of fact I'll be picking him up from the airport again tomorrow!
I work for a cellular company so I get to call for free and we basically speak about an hour every night b4 bed time over the phone. We text each other every morning when waking up and also fwd quite a few texts and mails during the daytime! I totally agree with m.sunshine about the schedule thing. he knows that I spent my first 3 hours after work with my baby and we only call after I've bathed and put him to bed!
the relationship is still new but we are thinking realistically about this and we're prepared to make the sacrifices and to try and make this work. I think the 3 most important keys to any relationship (especially long distance) is communication, trust and commitment!
good luck! just think of it this way.. if you make it through this, you guys can make it through a lot as a couple in the future!
Thanks Missy. I'm starting to think my disappointment is not necessarily with the distance but with the lack of regular communication. I only hear from him once maybe twice a week. I've asked him to call me more but I get - you seem so busy, or it goes both ways. I think I need more attention, especially if I'm only seeking him every three weeks! So, maybe this guy just isn't for me.
The guy I just met is 3 hours away, but he texts me a lot through the day and we usually talk once, sometimes twice a day on the phone. I don't think I could do the distance if I wasn't having that regular connection with him through the texts and phone.
I think if it's what you need and he can't give it too you (especially when you ask specifically) even if he were close geographically you'd find you had problems in your relationship anyway.
The lady that im dating lives 145 miles from me, so its about a 2 and half hour drive each way. so far ive gone down every weekend, she says she will come up also but so far in 3 n half weeks, we have seen each other about 5x and we talk all the time. so it does work .. just gotta have someone who committed
The last long distance relationship I was in (for a year and a half) did not work.. it ended terribly. It wasn't because of the distance though! He had a lot of issues being recently divorced himself and having teenage daughters.. they just were not ready for him to be dating someone. Nowwwwwww though...... I seem to have (somehow..? LoL!) found myself in yet another long distance relationship, and it is working out famously. I couldn't be happier. I only see him once a week, and we talk during the week as much as we can. It actually works out really well for both of us, because we both have crazy busy lives. He works 12 hour days with 4 hours of commuting time added on to EACH day.. and I'm in nursing school and am raising my 3 kids on my own. Weird, but it almost works BETTER for both of us that we only have time to see each other on the weekends! It's like the super awesome treat at the end of our insane weeks :D
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