hello, i wanted to post an introduction or something about myself. i just kind of stumbled across this, and it's nice to not feel so alone.
i have been divorced for about 4 months now. although my relationship ended years ago.
I have two children under 5 years old. Both just babies in my eyes.
I was married to a great man, a great dad who, about one month after finding out I was pregnant with my second child, was in a bad snowboarding accident. He was medicated heavily with oxycontin, and quickly became addicted.
One night he went out high, got drunk, blacked out, and came home and beat the shit out of me. I was 8 months pregnant at the time.
I kicked him out of the house, pressed charges, and I'm finally mentally moving on.
The hardest part of it all was that I felt like I was too educated for this to happen to me. Drug addiction and abuse doesn't happen in upper middle class communities. I have a PhD. I'm too book smart and too wealthy for this to happen.
Reality can be so hard to swallow.
I just began dating again. I met this great guy and we've been out on two dates. I have no idea how to do this. While he's been out in the dating trenches for years, I was all cuddled up in a meaningful relationship. I haven't been on a date in 14 years.
I don't know the rules and I feel totally lost. When to call, how soon is too soon for sex, when can he meet the kids. These are the thoughts racing through my head right now. It's only been two dates, and I'm already thinking about how many months/years/decades until he is allowed to even lay eyes on my children. I'm so protective and so flipping scared of my kids becoming attached and then that person leaving.
I'm also scared that at any moment a car accident or skiing accident could happen and oxycontin will creep its nasty face into my life all over again.
so i guess i'm here for some pointers on how to do this, because i feel so lost and so alone.