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Single Moms Forum » Single Mom Support Groups

Red Flags

(6 posts)

  1. prettymami
    Member

    I notice that many of us have many other things in common other than being single mamas. How is this common ground determined? Is it that our single mama condition determines our actions/choices or was it the other way around? Were our poor choices (for most of all at least) that led us to choosing such wrong partners? Many here had "promising" futures & could've gotten further but poor choices sabotaged that "great, brilliant future" -not that having such miracle angels isn't all that..or more-

    There's a lot of talk about being able to identify red flags and acting upon them with our gutt or reasoning. What if these red flags are on me and my actions/choices toward myself??

    My real question here I guess is:Do you still find yourself sabotaging you? In any area of you life,career, parenting, love life, etc? If so,how do you stop it?

    Do I make any sense at all?

    Posted 3 years ago #

  2. Loloberry
    Member

    You make total sense! I think my biggest problem was that I fell in love in college and married too young. I have since realized that college is not real life and not a good indicator of how a person will act in the real world. My husband had the average maturity of a 23 year old when we got engaged. I made the mistake of assuming he would grow up. You know what they say about assuming! I got married when I was 24, and for me, that was too young. I was not mature enough to have seen the red flags. It kind of cracks me up because I was a Marine wife, and as a 24 year old newlywed, I was an old lady!

    I got the idea to write down all of my missed red flags. I am very newly single and so not ready to date yet. But I figure if I have made a list, and given them a lot of thought, by the time I am ready to date I may be able to avoid those same pitfalls.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  3. samarkis
    Member

    : )

    Posted 3 years ago #

  4. piccu9
    Member

    I ignored them from the start. How stupid I was.

    Before seriously dating (more of being friends)I was really into sports and would be gone for 3-4 days at a time getting home really late. Thus, I would miss/not return his calls. He once left 24 messages on my machine, each with increasing anger that I was "ignoring him". That should have been sign #1.

    Other signs throughout our 8 year relationship/marriage:
    strange credit card charges for phone sex/internet sex lines (including tranny)
    internet history showed escort sites, tranny sites, etc (not against porn but once you 'interact' with real people, forget it).
    emails to escorts
    planned parenthood 'call and get results' card in his wallet (and found that about 1-2 years ago)
    punching holes in doors
    blamming me for "provoking him"
    emotionally abusive emails,
    grabbing me when I told him I didn't like it
    pressuring me for sex and turning it into a fight when I firmly said no
    emailing his ex girlfriend for a year and denying he ever emailed her. Dude, I totally know when it's an original email and a forwarded email by someone else

    I only keep the smiles because I have a wonderful, beautiful, amazing son now.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  5. kristen
    Member

    I ignored the red flags too. I had self-esteem issues. I didn't believe I deserved anything better. I know differently now and won't make the same mistakes again.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  6. CityGirlLost
    Member

    Sign me up for the ignoring red flags club. I made excuses for him to friends and family and to myself.

    Have you seen that movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Oh my goodness did I see myself as those characters- always making excuses. My resolution (not for the New Year, just for always, for me) is to stop making excuses for other people and try to see through the smoke and mirrors. If I have to analyze a situation to "figure it out" I'm overthinking it.

    Posted 3 years ago #

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