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Single Moms Forum » Divorce and Custody

I'm tired of being "the bad guy"...

(4 posts)
  1. Darcy
    Member

    I haven't posted in a while, but I have been checking in from time to time. I just felt the need to vent (or scream) with others who may felt the same way.

    In July my daughter told me that her grandma and daddy (800 miles away) were going to get her a Nintendo DSi for her birthday in October. For the "uninitiated" a DSi can connect somehow to the internet, and other people (including adults) can send messages to my daughter. I was definitely NOT going to allow that. I emailed him about this issue and he said he understood. Case dropped, right? Wrong!

    So two weeks ago, the issue came up again. Could she have a DSi? He would disable the internet, but liked the improved features. No, I said. That which can be disabled can be re-enabled. Not happening. Her younger brother has a nice DS that their father got him for his birthday; she could have one just like his. In the meantime, she was given a hand-me-down DS to play with.

    In the meantime, his outstanding child support has swelled to over $40,000. My daughter has had major dental work done, of which $550 I have paid since the insurance only covers half. Have I seen a dime towards this? Nope.

    So yesterday I receive an email stating that he had sent my daughter the DSi ($190), but that he had "disabled" the internet and had loaded his picture and a message on it. Of course, this information comes after he has already shipped it. His exact words - "I know this will upset you, but I'm okay with that."

    Some tense (but civil) emails flew back and forth, but in the end I resolved that I was not going to allow her to have this device. Their father tried to tell me that it could not be returned since it had been opened, but I found a very sympathetic manager at Toys R Us who helped me out. With their grandmother's permission, she got to keep the "extra" money to buy other stuff.

    So, I had to stand in Toys R Us and let my daughter see the picture and hear the voicemail on the "cool" toy I would not let her have, before exchanging it for the other model.

    Their grandmother and father are upset with me and think that I am "uncooperative". They also took issue with my argument that the kids should have "equal" toys, saying I should let my daughter have a better toy for a while, since my son had had a newer model for awhile, and that my son could get a cooler toy next birthday, and so on, and so on, and so on....

    Really? Playing "one up" is good parenting?

    I don't necessarily know why I had to post this... Bad day.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. mom23inmd
    Member

    Darcy, why isn't he in JAIL for owing that much back child support? I know it's easy for men to skip out on it, but have you tried to hire one of those services that collects it for you? They take an obnoxious amount (30%) for their fee, but in the end, you would at least have something rather than the nothing you have now.

    I say, if he can spend $190 on a DSi, he can send you $190 towards that dental work.

    And I don't think you are the bad guy. I know it's hard when the father breaks the "rules". Mine does it all the time. But my kids are starting to see through it, as they understand that I am the one who makes sure they have everything they need.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. Darcy
    Member

    He's not in jail because he currently lives in another state. He has not had a job since being released from federal prison because he is under the delusion that someone would hire him to work in the computer field (his profession before coming off the spool).

    Even though he professes that he loves his children, is so sorry we have to go through this, and wants more than anything to "be a man" and "step up", he won't even apply to deliver pizza.

    I have been working with the Attorney General, but there is a lengthy process that must be exhausted and he keeps managing to skirt around the law.

    He has appealed to have his CS reduced and we will probably have a hearing in a couple of months. In my opinion, he is deliberately trying to stay unemployed/underemployed to get his amount reduced.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. arscuore
    Member

    Isn't it still simply amazing at the incredible decisions that the ex makes? I found out yesterday that the ex, his GF and her 3 kids are coming to our state for Halloween, and it is MY weekend in the custody arrangement (he's taking him for part of the day Saturday, trick or treating after I take him out, and staying over at the hotel/waterpark where they are staying -- BLEH). But, he had already told my son, before discussing it with me, and I'm not going to ruin Halloween over it. I'm just so aggravated that he would do this, and think it's ok not to talk to me about it first. I've decided that his visitation before Christmas is going to be shortened by one day in return. Next time, I won't be so nice about giving up time that is CLEARLY mine in our agreement.

    Posted 3 years ago #

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