I'll try to keep this brief cause I'm confused and need as much advise as I can get:
I'm 24 have an amazing 11 month old son. Father is not in picture.
I have a boyfriend (28 yrs old) who had been around since my son was an infant.
He has taken my son on like his own (he has no kids) and my son calls him dada. I cannot complain whatsoever in how he is as a father-he is truly amazing and loyal to us both.
We discussed him adopting my son since he has been the only father my son has known. I recently looked into the process of adoption after we decided to start looking Into it and suddenly he has to "think about it"
He says he wants to adopt just not now ( which was fine with me since the process takes up to a year) but his reasons were that he wants to make sure we are stable together emotionally (there have been some fights recently regarding our new house). He also threw in there that he treafs my son as if he were his own but then also says that if we had a child of our own together he would want all rights fo that child immediately.Here is where my issues lie:
-is it ok for him to treat the 2 differently? Ie claiming he wants to be dad to my son but not be legally responsible until some unknown time all while saying if it were his kid he would want rights straight away?
- the mother in me says he shouldn't have taken on The dad roll And had my son calling him dad if he wasn't sure (yes I know I shouldn't allowed him too either although I thought we had covered all this months ago) since my son is now calling him dad- that has the potential to hurt my child should be suddenly change his mind so do I tell him to stop until he can make a full commitment to my child?
-the gf in me says that he is a great father and that I should just let it be and he will hopefully keep his word and be his dad no matter what-but is that too much of a gamble??
-he says he doesnt want to raise a child in a broken home but that even if we broke up he would still want to be my sons dad which is confusing to me since he won't adopt him until we are married (which we aren't rushing) claiming we need to be more emotionally stable together.
My feelings Are that he is punishing him and my sons relationship based off our issues. Just because my parents divorced and didn't get along didn't mean they stopped being my parents. He has been the only dad my son knows and claims he wants that no matter what, but then why is his reason for waiting on the adoption contingent on our relationship solely?
I'm lost and having some serious worry about how to go forth. He wants to get Married and have another child but I can't stop thinking about how I feel he is being unfair and putting me in a situation where I don't know what to do...
Please shed some light...thank you