This came up in our When was the last time you had sex topic. Untying the Knot (http://twitter.com/untyingtheknot) asked if anyone else has or is considering having sex before the divorce is final.
Help Untying out with some advice and spill your own beans. This is a sensitive topic though so please use your discretion if you are still going through a divorce.
I did, but had to stop because I felt so guilty. Which is silly because we are divorcing because when we were still married, my husband was having sex with multiple other women. In my head the marriage is over and has been since we separated last August, it's just not legal yet. But I think it will still be a struggle for me.
I think it's hard no matter what, to be with someone new after you've been married. I mean, you never thought you'd be with anyone else again.
Tough stuff.
I did. My husband and I were separated for a year before our divorce was final so, in our minds, we were officially "broken up" well before the state of Washington said we were. We discussed dating other people before we started dating other people, though, and both agreed it was okay. Of course my ex changed his mind when it became clear that I was dating again, and asked that I not have any sleepovers at "our" house until the papers were final. Of course, he was having sleepovers in his new place, so I felt it was a double standard.
It's very tricky. My main concern was maintaining a good relationship with my exhusband for my son's sake, so I might have held out on the sex if I thought it would've been detrimental to that effort. But we discussed it openly and worked it out.
ronarocks
Member
I had messed around before DD, but when I decided to leave I did again and immediately stopped. It just felt weird without him yet knowing I was leaving. did a few times in the time before it was official. None worked out. I suppose the guy who sleeps with a single mom who is still married just doesn't want to stick around. I doubt I would have really been serious about any of them, but I thought I was almst each time.
mynewsinglelife
Member
I did. I was married for 7 years, 3 of those years we didn't have sex. Being only 30 I felt like I was being denied something. It also took us over a year to get the divorced finalized. I also felt that as soon as we didn't live together anymore the relationship was over, even if it wasn't on paper. As scary as the thought of dating was, it was nice to feel like I was still attractive to a man. It also help build my esteem up after my x destroyed it.
MaRiSoL
Member
My divorce is still not finalized. I have decided on waiting since in my mind I want to be completely 100% free. We had a very abusive relationship. We just went through a lot of things together. He cheated on me with two diff. women with which he had relationships not just one night stands. Even after he begged me to stay and said
he would never do it again he left his email up one day before work and I found that he was keeping in contact and discussing our family with these two women(if you can call them that)I really had tried to make things work but found that I had given him so much of me I had nothing left to give. how could I give my heart to a man that didn't respect me? He didn't care how bad this hurt me and our kids? We also dealt with our middle child passing away 4 years ago.I tried so hard to hang on for the sake of our kids and not wanting to fail. Now I see that I didn't fail. I did everything and more to make things work. I have three beautiful kids(2 here with me and 1 in heaven) He failed. I have mentally and emotionally moved on since before I ever filed for the divorce. I feel indifference towards him which he cant stand.
All of those experiences have made me stronger and I really am grateful for all the things in my life. I can not hate him for I allowed those things to happen.I take responsibility for sticking around for so long. I will never allow myself to be treated like that again. I wish him well, but the best is for me! :) I am skeptical about finding love or ever getting MMm... Married again(uh oh I said it) ;) But I am willing to accept happiness back into my life, and that is a huge start.
Carol Jae
Member
I started out thinking that I would definitely not have sex or even date until after my divorce was final, regardless of his actions during that time. My divorce took 21 months to finalize, after about a year I finally started dating....so yes, I did, and no - I don't feel guilty about it :)
Lost and Found
Member
I too wanted to wait til it was all finalized and I felt like an upstanding citizen by doing the "right thing" and waiting til the state considered us divorced as well. Then I got the death threat and I started to realize how over it really was. I then proceeded to not hold back the next time that cute guy came to do some work at my shop. :D Let's just say I got a lot of free work done and was able to mix business with pleasure! Wasn't the greatest, but it was what I needed to start my healing process. He's far from relationship quality, but he's got a great body and is around whenever I want him to be.
strongmama
Member
So my husband moved about over a month ago but we spent 10 years together (7 dating, 3 married) and although i was the one to initiate discussions to end the marriage i am still so desperately in love with the jerk. he cheated on me while pregnant and despite every effort i made over a year's time to fix things i finally had to accept that even though he couldn't say it..he didn't want to fix anything and it takes two people to make it work. my problem now is that i have a guy interested in me and i can't help but compare him to the man i loved enough to marry and start a family with..now i'm not stupid..i realize that the man i'm missing and loving is not the man he is today..its just so hard to let go and allow myself to enjoy the attention and affection of another man because unlike my husband..i meant the vows i took and since the divorce is no where near final..i feel extremely strange and guilty about even considering dating and sex. i havent had sex since before having my son b/c my husband ended all physical intimacy with me the moment he got involved with the other woman. i'm actually concerned about what sex will be like now that i've had a child..does everything still work down there?! sorry for the rambling!
if my partner is agree for sex then no problem.means , both want to do sex then no problem. if after divorce you want to sex and you and your ex partner agree then no problem at all.
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japan shopping
We all have physical needs in life and sometimes we have to give in to them, but it is a little soon for another commitment of the heart. If you are willing to give your body to someone and not your heart both parties are clear on that point then go ahead, but please be safe and make sure that the decision you make won't be one you will regret.
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