Back story:
my highschool sweetheart and I got pregnant right after graduation. I gave birth at 18 to a beautiful baby boy, we got married at 19 (my father rushed us), and seperated after a year of marriage. He was an abusive husband. Divorce was finalized by the time we both turned 21. Now, we promised that we would be as civil as possible when it came to matters of our son. The last thing I wanted our baby to feel was us fighting AFTER the divorce. So after 4 years we are still civil and always try to come to a fair agreement when it comes to our son. I was broke when I filed for divorce so I had to settle with non-contested...so that means joint-custody. Also, I do not ask for child support...never filed for it. I don't need his money and I promised myself to never again be financially dependant on a man...besides I make more money than him and i never wanted to feel like i "owed" him anything later.
Then I met an amazing man (about 2 years after the divorce). We've been together over 2 years and are engaged. He's never raised his voice let alone said an ill word to me. We've never fought (we have disagreements but we never yell, or fight; we talk things through). He's great with my son.
Here's my deal:
My amazing fiance is active Military. He had been stationed 3,000miles away from our home. We decided to stay together, but we all know that long-distance relationships are hard to last if you don't make the effort to spend time with each other. So he moved to new base, I stayed in my home town for 8 more months and then moved up to be with him. Yes ladies, he WAS worth the move. Here's the thing, I decided to leave my son back home with his father because
1) so that he could spend some REAL quality time w/his son 2) so my son could finish the rest of his kindergarten year
3) so i had time in my NEW home to work and save money to bring my son up with me 9 months later
so the plan was to bring up my son in a few months.
Now I've told my son from the start that he was MOVING up with me. But being 6, he somehow mixed up MOVING with VACATION. Needless to say he freaked out a bit when I reminded him a few months ago that he was MOVING to be with mommy. He takes longer than most kids to adjust to things so his father suggested for him to stay one more school year. that would fullfill the 2yr here-n-there agreement we were thinking about for future custody deals. I told him i'd think about it. Afterall, he too had changed so much for the better.
Baby-daddy has a cousin that majored in child pyschology so we had her talk to our son since he's comfortable with baby and because she knows our situtaion and us personally. He gave the same answers: basically confused. Wants to be with both parents. understandable. So we needed to come to an agreement and make the decision with his best interest. Being with either parent, he'd have a stable family life.
I can't move back home. I have 3 jobs now and one of them is a new business that I just started. I pay rent, finally got a car, and bascially started a new life.
outcome:
so i made the hard decision and told his father he could have one more year to have our son and help him prepare to move next summer...I cried my heart out for an hour...it would have been longer if my fiance hadn't calmed me down.
I know I'm not a bad mother. I had a rough time with mommy-hood when baby was younger but I've come so far. I've finally established myself to a point where I can provide for us with no other assistance. So I STAND by my decision to move away from home to follow a man who respects me, loves my son, and provides for us. He's rare; the type of man every woman deserves. and I wasn't about to let the military split us up.
...I'm just having such a hard time right now...I miss my baby so badly!!! I've been flying down to visit him every few months (tickets are expensive!) but it still hurts to not be doing the mommy things i should be =/ and i work with kids too =( So I KNOW i'm not a bad mother because I was just trying to create a good future for all of us....but I feel like it =,(
is there anyone out there who knows what I'm going through??