I am a single Mom to a 2 year old daughter and a 9 month old son. I met a great guy around Thanksgiving. We totally hit it off immediately. We were matched on a dating site, have tons in common, conversation has always just flowed easily between us. I feel an amazing connection with him.
I've been in abusive relationships in the past and this is the first time where I have been treated amazing. He compliments me all the time. He is amazing with my kids. They adore him.
Around March we started talking about moving in together. He had just moved into a house and he had me helping decorate it and even had me decorate two rooms in it for my kids.
We started wedding daydreams and we built a wedding planning website together to keep track of all of our ideas and picked a date 3 years out to save for it.
He was telling his Mom we were looking at wedding invitations... he was posting on facebook how incredibly excited he was for us to be moving in, in two weeks.
We were supposed to move in the first weekend of June... three days before we were supposed to move in, he sent me an email (!) that he was having panic attacks and he just isn't ready for us to move in yet.
To say I was devestated wouldn't be strong enough to cover all the emotions I have been through.
Out of nowhere he is standing on "we have only been together 6 months, I want to date you longer, I want to be sure I'm 100% ready to take on the responsibility of being a Stepdad."
Okay... all noble things... but I'm still having trouble just "going back". Everything is off the table. We went from giggling together and being excited and reading venue menus for a wedding one day... to... just dating, I guess, the next.
He can't give a timeframe of when he will be ready... he's just giving me promises that he knows he will be with more time.
I'm freaking out... I'm hurt. I'm trying not to be hurt and just trying to enjoy being with him, because everything about this relationship is so good, and up until this incident, everthing was perfect with us.
He would go on and on about writing a success story to submit to the dating site that matched us... and I thought for the first time in my life... someone really loved me. Not to control me and abuse me... but honestly genuinely loved me and wanted a healthy and equal partnership with me.
Maybe we can still have that with his nebulous "time"... but I'm seriously scared that he is going to realize that he just will never be ready for a "ready made family".
He has said several times through this all that if it was just me I'd already be living with him... but he has to keep in mind that there are two little ones to think about too. He says he adores my kids. And if anyone would see him with them, I don't doubt that he loves them. He is more involved with them than their own father.
I just don't know how to go backwards... because no matter how you slice it... that's how it feels to me. He says he wants me to be happy and to still daydream about our future together because he believes it will still happen someday... he just doesn't know when anymore...
Well, that HURTS me. :-( I can't daydream about something that I was actually planning a month ago to actually happen... and now... who knows...
Someone pointed me to this site and the blog post of "Love and Rearview Mirrors"... so how do you go from engaged... to just dating?