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Single Moms Forum » Single Mom Parenting

Incarcerated parent

(7 posts)

  1. adtdel
    Member

    My oldest son has been begging to see his dad for the past month or so. I finally broke down and called around looking for him and found out that he has been in jail on drug charges for about 4 months now. I explained to my son that his dad broke the law because he was doing drugs(he's 7 so he understands a little). Then he asked me if I could take him to go see his dad in jail. I know that it would only take an hour of my time and that my son wants to see him, but I don't know if I want to expose my son to the whole jail thing. I need opinions and advice. Would you take your kids to see the ex in jail?

    Thanks

    Posted 3 years ago #

  2. Darcy
    Member

    Wow. I did, but I don't know if I would do it again. How long will he be incarcerated? If it is only for a few more months, you're probably better off not going to visit.

    It is a surreal experience - kids might have to take off their shoes to go through a detector, they will have to speak (most likely) through a phone on a wall, there will be other people in the same room having visitations (some might be crying or arguing). Once we were forced to leave early and in a hurry because there was a fight in the other area and the prison was going into "lockdown". It was upsetting for my kids to see him in that situation, but they DID seem to be happy just to see him.

    You might also send a letter to your ex to see if he even wants a visit from your son. He might be embarrassed to be seen like that.

    My ex was in prison for 22 months and my kids went to visit him 3 times locally, then once in Arkansas when he was transferred to the federal system.

    I wish you well; it is certainly not an easy situation.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  3. Helen
    Member

    No, I wouldn't. My ex is currently in jail serving 4 months for a probation violation and he could easily end up serving more time. I will not bring my children to that jail to visit( I live less then 2 miles from the jail) and he may not contact them. in fact, I contacted his probation officer and am in the process of going back to court to have all contact ceased until he straightens his life out.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  4. ozbrooke
    Member

    Is there any way that you can visit first to see what the experience will be like and find out whether or not you'd want your son there? Also to speak with his father to find out whether he's prepared to discuss the situation - ie that he did something wrong and he knows it was wrong.

    Posted 3 years ago #

  5. rebecca
    Member

    I would not. Jail is a very scary place. Although my son never asked, I would not expose him to anything like that. The dad made the "bad choice" (as we call it in my house) and now the children have to suffer, but you can minimize that by letting him know that while his dad has made some bad choices, he still loves him and as soon as he makes good choices, he can possibly see him again. It's sooooo hard to have to look in their little faces and tell them the hard stuff. Maybe if your son wants to send him a letter or something, and give your ex the chance to respond. If he doesn't, that shows you the amount of effort he is willing to make to foster his relationship with his son.

    Helen---good luck!! I did that and it was the best thing I ever did!

    Posted 3 years ago #

  6. ANIKA777
    Member

    My child's father could very well end-up incarcerated again,and to be honest I hope he does. That may be the ONLY chance that my son MIGHT have of having a sober father in his life. Also; I know this might sound bad, but if, (or really when/it's just a matter of time) it does happen I will probably be able to file more easily and cheaply for sole custody, right now I can't afford it. Thankfully I don't see him filing..but I'm digressing, sorry.
    So, no I would def. not take my child to see their father while locked-up....no way..............A) the guy doesn't deserve it B) more importantly it's no place for a child.

    Posted 2 years ago #

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