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Single Moms Forum » Dating Single Moms

When do you say enough is enough?

(4 posts)

  1. Daniellem224
    Member

    Hello All! I really just wanted to post this to get some kind of advice because I am so torn right now. I am a single mom of two wonderful children. I have been single going on 4 or 5 years now?... Ive tried dating it has never worked for me. I have gotten so used to doing everything by myself that when someone tried to step in and help me I pushed them away. Which is where this whole I need advice thing comes from. I work with a man who is everything I ever asked god to send me. Wanted to love me and my children and would have done anything for me and he tried about 3 times to show that to me. Every time I pushed him away and told him I wanted nothing to do with him. Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching and realized I am the problem...I need to fix me. So this wonderful man thankfully is still around and still willing to try to make this work with me. I finally realized that I really want to be with this person he's so good to me and my children. The problem is....Since I pushed him away and everything he has moved on and is now dating someone. He says he still loves me and now that im ready hes kinda in a bad place because he wants to be with me but he's afraid I will hurt him again. So...me and him have been spending alot of time together kinda consistent for the past month or so. Yes, he is still dating this other girl. Whom he has told he loves her too. (i looked at his facebook) Ive really stepped out of my box and put myself out there for this man. He said he has to make a decision...if he wants to be with me or her. Me and him have been physical. I told him I dont know how long I can do this. Its already been a month and out of the year we've been kinda back n forth a month feels like such a long time. How long should I wait for this "decision"?? Shouldnt I be strong enough to say I should mean enough to you that you shouldnt even have to think about it? I feel like I'd be wrong to do that because I have hurt him.... I dont know what to do and thinking about it makes my heart drop to stomach.. Please help with some advice... :)

    Posted 1 year ago #

  2. AK-10
    Member

    Hello there, I does sound like you have gotten yourself into a situation. Here is my gut feeling. Yes, he was hurt by you and yes, there is some truth about not wanting to be shunned by you again. BUT...you are now the other woman. If he wanted to be with you and only you he would be right now. I think he is enjoying the attention of two women. Maybe his attention is being pulled between the two of you but if this other woman thinks they are exclusive then he is cheating on her. I have no respect for that.

    If you sense he is dragging his feet then he is. I think you need to look at what your intuition is telling you. I will not tell you how long to wait for him to break things off with the other girl because I know you will do this in your own time no matter what anyone else thinks. The situation does look a little grim and like he is telling just what you need to keep you hanging on.

    If he does break things off with her remember that if you cling to him he will push further away. When you are together ask him to do things for you. You know the handy things a man does around the house. He needs to know you need him and are willing to let him help. Ask him to help you make you dinner.

    okcupid.com is a free dating site and so is plentyoffish.com

    Posted 1 year ago #

  3. danman
    Member

    Hi Danielle. I most certainly hope things work out for the best! I will pray for you. I dont mean to hijack this post and turn it towards me, but I am desperate to know what to do with my situation and think you could help. I have met someone who is so perfect. We are perfect for each other and we both admit to be falling in Love with each other. She has been divorced for two years now. Everything went from awesome to nothing and the only thing I know for sure is that she and her ex-husband were arguing. I noticed something was off and she seemed to need some space, so I told her I was going to be silent until she is ready to talk to me. A week goes by and nothing. I know it isnt that long, but nothing? I responded kindly asking if things are going ok with her and if things are ok between us. I stressed that I am fine still giving her space and that I wasnt going anywhere, but just want to know taht much. I got no response from her and its been two days. She seems to be doing ok from her posting on faceook. A quote hear and there shows that something is going on, but seems to be positive at least. I know that I have treated her in a way that she isnt used to but have always wanted. I am willing to wait as long as I feel things will work out. I guess its hard to tell. I was hoping that I could get some insight on what might be going on with her so I can have ideas. Since it seems you have gone through this situation, why can this this happen? I Love her and want to be with her. Should I stick this out?? Anything will help and be much appreciated. Thanks. I can explain more if needed.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  4. CreatingANewU
    Member

    Hi!

    I COMPLETELY understand ... I'm the same was as you. I've been divorced for 6 years and want to get into a good, healthy relationship ... but I keep pushing the good guys away. I'm doing alot of praying right now asking for God to help me.

    As far as your situation, I think you need to "let go and let God". By being "available" for this guy, you are telling him it's "ok" for him to date the both of you. Force him into a decision, it may or may not be what you want ... but you'll have peace of mind knowing one way or the other.

    I've held onto relationships that that my gut has told me to "let go" ... and I ended up making them worse. If he really loves you, he will come around, despite the past hurt you put him through. In my opinion, he should be able to forgive you and put the past behind you, so you can move forward. (and you should forgive yourself too).

    I wish you the best.
    God Bless!

    Nancy

    "The undertaking of a new action brings new strength."
    www.CreatingANewU.info

    Posted 1 year ago #

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