Stopped boy seeing his dad now im paying for it

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Stopped boy seeing his dad now im paying for it

(8 posts)

amygwen
Member

I had my little boy when I was 20 and am now 35.
To cut a long story short i was very bad to the father. I said bad things about him that weren't true and stopped him from seeing our boy. Last year when my boy was 14 years old the father turned up unexpectedly at our sons school and told him that he was his father, showed him court documents etc to prove that he had done nothing wrong.
My child came home from school and said "i knew all along, im going to live with my dad" and he left. He has NOT spoke a word to me since and that's been nearly a year although it feels like 100 years.

Will he ever forgive me? Should he ever forgive me for essentially 'kidnapping' him from his dad all those years? I hated the father for many years because of the break up etc. I was young and stupid and now I've lost everything. Will he come back one day?

I wanted to make the fathers life a misery...I suceeded for 14 years and now my life is a living hell. And I deserve everything I get. Will he come back, i think I'm going crazy. I just don't know what to do. I have lost my child.

Posted 1 year ago #
amygwen
Member

Too many people just posting on the sex forum?

Posted 1 year ago #
AK-10
Member

Well, If you live in the US then what you did was against the law. Saying awful things about the kids father in front of him can be considered child abuse.

I have been a single mom for 7.5 years now. I do not like my ex husband and I do not believe that he is the best father that he could be but I allow my daughter every op to see him. She is 11 yrs old now and she needs me now more then ever and I have worked hard on our relationship. I have on occasion made a bitter remark as I am not perfect but I am hoping my daughter will see all the sacrifices and decisions that I have made with her best interest in mind.

I don't understand why in your case how your son could have just walked out the door without a court order. He is not 18 years old yet. This does not seem right to me.

Posted 1 year ago #
amygwen
Member

Im in uk. What am i meant to do, keep my son here even though he hates me? Force him to stay here? Just because its lawful doesnt make it right, the law backed me up with my lies for years.

Posted 1 year ago #
roxx2
Member

You can't change what is in the past or the pain you caused to them both. But you can be better than that now. Apologize profusely to them both. Put yourself at their mercy! Allow them to be mad at you, even hate you...but don't ever stop loving your son and showing him that you love him. Tell him every day that you love him and your sorry. Don't try to make him come back though....give him time to heal and forgive and come back to you when he is ready. He will one day if you don't give up. You both still have many years ahead of you to heal, even if he is an adult before it happens....it will be worth it no matter how long it takes.

Posted 1 year ago #
amygwen
Member

Thanks Roxx. It hasnt been easy but i think in time it can be sorted out. I should have done it years ago though. I might have had problems with the father, but he is still the father

Posted 1 year ago #
nstanh
Member

I read this and felt physically sick. How dare you do this to your innocent child and then complain about your consequences.

You have performed emotional abuse on your son, if he forgives you, then I would suggest you will be extremely lucky. The only advice I can give is apologise, and make him aware that you will be available if you want to talk. I can only imagine the pain and anguish this poor child has gone through, yet you seem to have your own feelings as a priority still.

Posted 1 year ago #
sm29
Member

i have a suggestion... i am a father of a child who lives with her mother and is making things very, very difficult for me to even be any part of the child's life. my baby girl is only 15 months old, but the mother is already telling me that she's going to do exactly what you did. she's going to tell her that i don't care about her, that i'm a terrible person, etc. sad thing is, she's 29 and should be more mature than this and she's already lost her first son to her other ex for being a crazy spiteful... you know what. even with the huge amount of hate that i feel for her, i would never in my wildest dreams tell my daughter anything bad about her mom, even if they WERE true. if she ever asked me about her mom, i'd bite my tongue and simply say, "your mother loves you very much," and that would be the extent of it.

so here's my suggestion. maybe you can help me with this situation. maybe that will make you feel better about the wrong that you've done. maybe it will even send a little bit of positive karma your way. i'm at a loss as to what to do and maybe you can tell me what the best thing to do would be? maybe you could even help me and talk some sense into the child's mother? she may just be plain crazy and i may have to wind up just proving that in court so i can take my daughter, but maybe she can be reasoned with. i don't know.

Posted 1 year ago #