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Single Moms Forum » Guys Dating Single Moms

New relationship - I have very few 'friends'

(4 posts)

  1. shyguy
    Member

    I've begun a relationship with a really great woman with a beautiful smile and gorgeous light blue eyes. Her son sounds like a really good kid and person (13y). I have not met him as 'the boyfriend' yet but look forward to it - but completely understand the when and how is up to her.

    We've had 3 really awesome, long, dates so far (4-5 hours each) with a couple lunches at work in the mix (we work for the same employer and in the same building, but in two entirely different fields) I've respected her unspoken wish to move slowly, but I've also begun to show more specific physical attraction to her and made it clear I am attracted to her.

    However I've suddenly become paranoid and its something that every so often gets to me, usually around holiday weekends where most "normal" people have plans. I have very people I would actually call a 'friend'. And truth be told I have no 'best friend' It doesn't really bother me too greatly, I'm not depressed, I'm not socially awkward and people do like me socially - but I've just never made a great social attachment to other guys or girls except a few from work (I'm 31) and even those aren't very 'firm' I do spend majority of my time outside of work not doing a whole lot, but stay content and comfortable. But with her coming into my life, I've been filled with a desire to start doing "things" to make me more happy and less of a sedantary bum.

    The paranoid part is telling her this. She has enough on her mind as a single mom and working woman, let alone trying to decide whether we will work and I do not want to give her the impression she needs to be my social outlet. She has admitted that she doesn't get out much either and has very much liked going out with me, but I do know she has some girlfriends that are meaningful to her that she shares things with, where I have nothing similar.

    I guess I'm just looking for some responses from you ladies how big of a deal this really is. How much of a red flag is it, really? I know this is also a general "dating" issue, but I think the situation is unique.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  2. AK-10
    Member

    I'd like for you to know that you are normal. I guess I can say that bc I share some of these tendencies. If I had to classify your personality I would say you are a homebody/loner. A loner does not mean you are a loser/or ax murderer it simply means you are content being by yourself and do not have a need to have people being around you 24/7 if at all. This is not a deal breaker at all it simply makes you, you.

    If you are still too self conscious about being a loner/homebody get a dog so you can go to the dog park or take the dog on a walk or get a cat for company bc they are little to no maintenance. This also shows that you do and can form a bond with another.

    Now she may feel bad when she is going out with friends and you don't have anyone to hang out with but just tell her you have something else planned and don't get mad at her for having a life outside of your dates. Don't make a big deal of it by over explaining yourself and it won't be. When you both start hanging out with other couples...a poker night with the guys is surely in the offing at some point. Just be open the experience and bring a 6 pack of beer, some cash and everyone will be your friend.

    I guess I don't see many people posting so I hope my answer helps.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  3. shyguy
    Member

    Thanks AK,

    I do actually have 3 cats. Or rather, I 'acquired' them when I moved in where I am right now :) They're my buddies, though I do want to shoot the one cat recently for waking me up at 4:45a by pawing at my face every day recently. You'd think with the alarm going off at 5a he'd clue in that I'm getting up soon anyway....

    I do go out every so often - but I feel like it could be (should be?) more frequent if I had a 'social circle'.

    I'm not really self-conscious about it, like I said it only 'gets' to me during non-family Holidays (Labor Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July etc) where a social circle would have me out and about most likely.

    I would by no means ever be jealous of her going out. Oh hell no, she has become the awesome gal she is because of her life *before* me. I am not about to take that away from her or make her take me along. In the short while we've been seeing each other she has already leaked a few things about her a previous ex and one of them was a controlling ideal about not wanting her to go downtown etc which is just messed up.

    oh boh I'm letting alot of crazy out here...sort of therapuetic.

    Posted 1 year ago #

  4. AK-10
    Member

    Well, you both will get to a point as a couple where you would not dream of spending a holiday apart. I can understand holidays being lonely especially if you did not have any family at least to spend them with. Sometimes it's good to have sounding board to make sure you are in the right direction :)

    Posted 1 year ago #

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