When to Introduce to Kids « Single Moms Forum

Single Moms Forum » Dating Single Moms

When to Introduce to Kids

(4 posts)

Unsure
Member

I've been dating someone off and on for 10 months. We've recently gotten back together and have committed ourselves this time around and are giving it our all. I've been single for about 2 years, so a little fresh to this still. This may seem odd, but he hasn't met my kids yet. I have 3 and he doesn't have any kids. He is 43, I'm 39. I realize it probably scares him a bit and early on, I was afraid of it as well. Now I'm not and I realize it is a big missing element. He is now saying he will meet them soon...unsure if this will turn into a "stringing along" scenario, but will wait and see. We say Christmas will be the timeline if things go well with us.

So another problem is this: I am in love with him and have told him a few times...didn't expect it back and tried to stay strong when he didn't reciprocate. However, it weighs on me now. He says he goes at his own pace and though it's still frustrating, I'm trying to be patient because he really seems to be putting a lot of effort in our time together now. My gut says he just wants to be sure but my heart is truly worried. It is painful to think my heart is on the line, meanwhile, he may never be able to reciprocate.

Aside from this, is it best to wait for an intro to kids until (if) he says he loves me? I'd hate for them to meet him and get attached only to find out his feelings for me are just not to the same point as mine. Eventually, I'll be walking away and I refuse to keep spinning my wheels.

Any insight out there???

Posted 1 year ago #
kaype96
Member

id wait, it doesnt seem like he is so sure, better safe then sorry

Posted 1 year ago #
sandradavis
Member

Keep the kids out of the picture (and more importantly do not bring the new guy around your children) until the man says he thinks he is serious and is thinking you two should get married. Even then, NEVER allow the guy to sleep over when the children are there!!!!!

Until you have an engagement ring and a date set NEVER bring the guy along when you drop off/pick up the kids from the ex.
Hope this will help you!!

Posted 1 year ago #
ashley...
Member

^ See, I don't agree with those words of wisdom. An engagement ring is just a materialistic object that doesn't necessarily mean forever. Nothing means forever except the heart. And your values as a person and what you believe should determine the right times for things. If she felt they were in a solid place, for him to stay the night, wake up and have a nice family morning, who's to say she shouldn't?

I think 10 months is long enough to wait to introduce him to them. There is no harm in a days outing so both parties can get a feel for the others personality. The children aren't going to be devastated after one day/one meeting. And sure, you risk attachment, but how else are you going to know?

And to note on the "never bring the guy along" - I have been apart from my husband for 5 years now. We have a 5 & 7 year old. He started dating someone about 2 years ago, and it was incredibly hard at first, because who likes the thought of another person being a mother figure to your own children? But its gotten easier as they are quite serious, and she is great with the children. And she does assist him in dropping off/picking up the kids and I think that is very important for them to know that she is in this too. If you can be civil with your ex, it is nothing but a positive experience for the kids. Not letting them partake in every aspect of your children's life keeps them at arms length, and that is not ok.

I kind of went off on that...kind of let me thoughts take over the keyboard.

The bottom line is if you feel as though you're in a stable enough place to all hang out together, then I say do it. He may fall in love with your kids, and that may help solidify the thought of spending a life together for him. No mother wants to let men come in and out of their children's lives...but as long as its not happening 3 times a year, its not going to have a negative effect on them. Children thrive on seeing their parents happy.

Posted 1 year ago #