9 wks along and babys father opted out... advice. help!

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9 wks along and babys father opted out... advice. help!

(3 posts)

apeainmypod
Member

Hi, I'm new to the single mom thing. I'm only 9 weeks pregnant(pushing 10) and the guy that got me pregnant has decided to be out of the picture about 4 days ago. I don't really know what happened... He was in for it up until the other day and now will not return a phone call, text, email and has even gone to the social slap in the face and "defriended" me on Facebook. I know that part may sound silly but I'm sure we can all agree that social networks can create drama. I'm very confused and scared. We found out very early that I was pregnant and had been making decisions together up until this. Now I'm left completely alone. Does anyone have any advice as to what to do?... Also I didn't mention that he is a local celebrity golfer and has an influential family which I feel is going to make things harder for me. How can I proceed from here? This is my cry for help!!!

Posted 1 year ago #
dlries
Member

Hang in there, this is going to be OK. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be OK. Pregnancy and the life you have in your womb is a wonderful thing and a blessing regardless of the circumstances. That little baby kicking away in you and fighting to grow even though you can't feel it. You have to fight now to and gear up for what's ahead.

Do you have a support system? Your life will be easier with people there to help you along. Is this your first baby?

I would suggest you seek out a legal consultation - don't go with the cheapest family lawyer, but find someone good for a free consultation. Find out, based on your state, when the right time is to seek child support. You are going to want to be sure you do so you aren't left hanging completely Money doesn't make things like this better, but it will make it easier.

Start keeping a log of everything - anything you can remember from conversations or emails you have, you'll want to make sure you save in case you need them later and he denies paternity.

In cases like this, many men will often come back with the "it's just a lump of tissue and you should abort it" position. I'm here to tell you it isn't - she's your child and she needs you. Even if you don't think you can do this on your own, there are other ways so don't let anyone pressure you into the biggest mistake of your life. We'll do anything we can to help you.

Message me if you need help.

Posted 1 year ago #
aprilh0909
Member

I was in the same boat, and overseas at the time. It was a very depressing, lonely experience. Partially because I chose to make it that way. It'll be hard but anyone who does this solo, the pregnancy and parenting, is a SUPERHERO! Just take it a day at a time and find someone you can lean on. Whether it's your sister, your mom, a dear friend. Someone you can share the special moments with. That was the one thing I actually YEARNED for. I found that in my sister. She was the best person for the job, way better than my daughter's father ever could have been. I feel like I got the better end of the deal in that regard. Just be true to yourself. And fight for child support. Visitation and child support are apples and oranges. You are legally entitled to his contribution, don't stray from your rights (and the rights of your baby!). Diapers and daycare alone are incredibly expensive. There are calculators online that can plug in what you're entitled to. And if you don't have money, no worries. Child support enforcement is a great advocator and will have an attorney present when you go before a judge. My mistake was I believed my baby-daddy that he would pay when he BEGGED me not to go to DCSE. Then he stopped paying. He is 6 months in arrears when the State of VA could have taken care of this immediately. My life lesson, I guess.

Regardless, please take care of yourself. Mentally, physically, emotionally... Your baby needs you, all of you!

Posted 1 year ago #